


The Curse of a Well-Read Man

by LeoneHaxor



Category: Fear Mythos, Inkheart (2008), My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Multi, OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING, Silvertongue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-04 22:17:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10291388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoneHaxor/pseuds/LeoneHaxor
Summary: After being given a link to a fanfiction, Lee Richards learns the hard way that he is a Silvertongue - a person with the rare gift of turning the written word into reality.Apparently reading a fanfiction out loud can summon characters from them, so now he has to try and bring a certain unicorn back home. What could possibly go wrong?





	1. In Which Lee Accidentally Pulls A Henderson

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DJay32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJay32/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Dawn of the First Day](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/274493) by Miniscule Literary. 
  * Inspired by [OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/274496) by DJay32. 



_"The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."_

\- The G-Man

 

* * *

 

In the quiet town of Odenton, in the state of Maryland, Lee Richards read silently in his bed, poring over a fanfiction he printed out for the hell of it. He was fine with simply using his computer to find new reading materials, but he still enjoyed the comforting feel of paper in his hands. So he was willing to take the time to make himself a stapled, double-sided copy if he could avoid staring at a screen to get his literary fix.

He looked up briefly to inspect his bedroom door. A young man with the complexion (and figure) of a split pine tree and bright green eyes stared back at him from under a neatly combed head of raven hair.

Lee noted that he should shave soon, as what little stubble he had was beginning to show, before diving back into the written word.

He was enjoying himself with this particular fanfiction, as it was an interesting take on the "ordinary person gets thrown into the world of his favorite fandom" tales. The primary reason he gave this one a glance to begin was because his old buddy Setton had texted him the link.

"You're gonna like this one," he had sent. "Trust me, you'll laugh at this."

It had turned out to be surprisingly enjoyable, as Setton had testified. Currently, Lee found himself blazing through to the fifth chapter, having a merry time seeing this madness weave itself into a mental tapestry of black comedy.

Lee read the next passage silently to himself, and burst into laughter. "What the FUCK am I reading!?!" he roared to his empty apartment. He hadn't had so much fun with a fanfiction since he used Gizoogle to read Creepypastas. He found it amazing, to say the least, how well written it was given the subject matter, especially due to the refreshing spin on the fandom.

From what Lee had learned, there were a staggering amount of stories where some random human - usually an author avatar - gets to Equestria and proceeds to screw some proportion of the populace. Oh, there were certainly those who made an effort to make a serious story, and Lee appreciated their efforts, but the 'clop' was why he usually steered clear of the fandom's productions.

What surprised Lee was the fact that this story depicted a human who arrived in Equestria, only to find that the population is entirely female and insanely horny, and _refused to indulge them._

Hence his interest.

Lee sighed. “Setton, you've got a sick taste of humor,” he said to himself, and paused. “I wonder if he missed the fridge horror.”

Lee shrugged this off, and went back to reading. Moments later, he found a line that made him stop cold, and he read it aloud.

_"Justice thy name is BOOKCASE!" he cried as he hurled the mare away._

Lee put the fanfiction down, and began laughing like a madman.

 

* * *

 

In a galaxy far, far away, in a magical land called Equestria, a man named Alfonz just chucked a mare towards a bookcase. Specifically, the one who invited him into her tree/library/home not ten minutes prior.

Why would Alfonz be doing this to his host, who had allowed him to walk around Ponyville unmolested when his life was in peril? Well, perhaps the fact that she was planning to rape him until he flatlined had something to do with this, but that's neither here nor there.

What matters most about this toss is what the man chose to shout at that moment.

“Justice thy name is BOOKCASE!” Alfonz cried, sending a panicking Twilight Sparkle flying towards her own shelving. The poor mare was maddened with lust, but far from stupid – she knew quite well how this tableau would end, and closed her eyes to brace for the inevitable impact.

Only Twilight never made it that far. Mere nanoseconds before she would have hit the books (no pun intended), she vanished. There was no puff of smoke, no otherworldly or fantastical sound effect, nor even a flash of light. Her presence merely became an absence in the time it took to blink.

Alfonz stared in shock at the space where the molesting mare should have been before whipping his head around the room. He thought that she had just teleported out of view, waiting to ambush him, but after five minutes of nothing, he wasn’t so sure.

 _Where the hell did she go?_ he thought dazedly.

Alfonz thought about going outside, of fleeing the library before Murphy's Law kicked in. Then he remembered that he no longer had the boon of Twilight's invisibility spell to keep him safe from the town at large.

What he would say next would be so eloquent, that it would be repeated for years to come.

"To hell with that." With that said, Alfonz went to look for the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

In a galaxy far, far away, there was an ominous THUMP. This THUMP was followed by the sounds of rustling pages and smaller thumps, culminating in an odd shattering sound. And finally, there was silence.

'What the hell was that?' Lee wondered.


	2. An Unexpected Party

Lee abruptly stopped laughing. The sound definitely came from one of the other rooms. Fearing an intruder, Lee grabbed a replica lightsaber he got from some creepy-ass merchant at Comic-Con and lit the blade. It glowed a brilliant pale blue in front of him. While it was unlikely he would find Darth Vader in his pajamas raiding his home, he thought it best to use the lightsaber rather waste time looking for his emergency flashlight.

He cautiously moved out from his room, looking warily in the dark. He was thankful he turned off his stereo when reading in his room, because otherwise he would have been likely caught unawares. Moving out into the hall, he did a quick check of his bathroom, and concluded that unless cheap detergents were going to beef up the bacteria into the size of puppies, nothing was in there.

Sweeping the kitchen, he found the most threatening thing to offer was a partially finished pizza box that went cold hours ago, as well as the dishes he left in the sink to “soak.” I really need to clean up this place, he thought idly.

Lee continued, uncertainly, to the main room, without any difficulty except his rapidly growing tension. Both process of elimination and what his own eyes saw told him that whoever – or whatever – it was waiting for him there.

One of his bookcases had fallen over since he went to his bedroom some time before. Books, hard and paperback, large and small, had scattered onto the floor. The remains of a LEGO Death Star lay in ruins amidst the jumble. Almost as if something...

A weak moan coming from the pile interrupted his thoughts. His curiosity prevailed over his unease. He shifted the books to see who it was. He viciously slapped himself with his free hand to ensure he wasn't delirious.

Lying under his collection of novels lay the form of a very distinctive purple unicorn.

Faced with the impossible, Lee would like to say that he stayed calm and quietly considered how this could have occurred. If only.

Lee made a beeline for the door to his room. After shutting himself inside, he slowly collected himself and tried to work out what he just saw.

Twilight Sparkle, in his apartment, unconscious under a pile of books.

His thoughts were a blur. _How the fuck is that possible? Am I going crazy? Is this a dream? AM I HIGH?_ He again tried vainly slapping his face, in the fleeting hope he was dreaming. No such luck.

_Alright, so I'm not dreaming. Fine. Assuming I’m not high (because this place would look much more impressive or at least trippy). What am I supposed to do with a pastel unicorn in my house? Moreover, exactly how did she get there in the first place?_

A thought struck him abruptly. He picked up his phone and made a call to the one person he knew was likely to have an answer - and he could trust not to rat him out to the FBI or something.

It rang for an agonizing 16 seconds, until finally Lee heard the line being picked up.

"Hey, Lee, what's up?" Setton answered.

Lee took a few seconds to peek out at the still form underneath his books. "Quick question for you; ever hear of reading something out loud and it somehow just...happened?"

"Sure, it sounds familiar. You remember reading Inkheart, right? That was its entire premise right there. People with that power were called Silvertongues, and they could alter reality by reading aloud. Give one a book and watch the fireworks. Hang on…" Setton's voice became curious. "…why are you asking me this? I thought you already read that one."

_Silvertongue._

Considering this - which was far more preferable to proving his own insanity - he gingerly picked up a book from the pile, and read aloud slowly.

_"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,_

_One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them._

_In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie._

He paused and then said slowly in a deep voice: _"This is the Master-ring, the One Ring to rule them all."_

As he read the last few words, a glint appeared in his eye. Bending over to see more clearly, his growing fears were confirmed.

Lee struggled to keep his thoughts coherent. "I need you to get over here now."

A tense moment of silence followed. "Lee, what's going on over there?"

On his carpet before him was a gold ring, with a glowing red inscription in the language of Mordor.

 

* * *

 

Setton pulled up a few minutes later, and made his way up the stairs to the second floor apartment. Knocking on the door, he was surprised to find Lee throwing it open. His head snapped to either side of the opening, and Setton was suddenly grabbed by the shirt and roughly pulled inside.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked Lee, who was working quickly to lock the door.

Lee's face was serious. "Maybe not, but if there ever was a time, it's now."

Saying this, Lee showed Setton the form still motionless under his bookcase. It took him a minute to make sense of what he was seeing. His hand slowly began to lift itself to face level, but Lee obliged, leaving his friend with a colored cheek.

“Trust me, I went down that same line of thinking. This isn’t a hoax, there isn’t some camera crew and Ashton Kutcher hiding in the kitchen. And no, you’re not high.”

Lee picked up his copy of the fanfiction from the coffee table nearby and handed it to Setton. Dubious, he glanced at the paper before him until he hit the right paragraph. He looked from the limp heap to the cold print several times before the penny dropped.

Silence.

"...You're telling me that you read this out loud -"

"And the next thing I knew, I hear her crash into my bookcase," Lee finished.

“You're a Silvertongue?! An honest to God Silvertongue!?”

Lee shrugged. “Apparently.”

Setton's brows went sky high. “And you're just taking this in stride?”

Lee shrugged again. “I did my freaking out while you were getting here.”

Strictly speaking, Lee had freaked out while Setton dealt with traffic. The strangest thing was, the shock left Lee after about three minutes.

Setton looked from the fanfiction to Twilight, and back to the fanfiction. "Why is she unconscious? If I'm reading this correctly, this passage said she was regaining her senses as Alfonz fled."

Lee grinned sheepishly. "Remember how I couldn't find a place for my LEGO Death Star?"

Setton saw the brick chunks strewn among the books, and pieced it together quickly.

Setton looked at Lee sternly. "If you've managed to kill one of my favorite ponies, I'm going to turn you inside out, cover you in salt and lemon juice, throw you into a barrel of rusty razors and proceed to roll you down a hill."

Lee was startled by this oddly specific (and disturbingly inventive) threat for a moment. "Jesus, Setton! I checked her pulse and everything! She was only knocked unconscious, I swear."

Setton closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. As long as she's...” A thought struck him. "Wait a minute. How long has she been out, anyway?"

Lee checked his watch. "About six minutes and five seconds."

There was a moan from the pile, and both men froze.

Simultaneously, they shifted their gaze to the now stirring figure on Lee's floor. Lee slowly placed his hand into his pocket, and whispered to the blanched figure beside him. "Hide!"

Lee's fingers closed on the object he was feeling for, and he promptly vanished.

Setton, dumbfounded, regarded this development for a moment before remembering the passage from Lord of the Rings he heard uttered on the phone earlier. He then dove for the first door he saw, and found himself trapped in the bathroom.

His inner smartass spoke its mind: _What a shitty situation._

In their haste, Lee nearly left the fanfiction in plain view, as Setton dropped it seconds ago. Stuffing the now-sensitive document in his shirt, he backed away from the waking mare as quickly as he dared.

With a pained groan, Twilight groggily made her way to her feet. "Why did you have to be so difficult, Alfonz?" she moaned, before realizing she wasn't in her library anymore. She swiftly looked around the room, wondering just how hard she had been thrown. Her concern grew when she fully grasped that she had no idea where the hell she was.

"Hello?" she asked tentatively. "Where am I?"

Lee froze, checking the hand he slipped the Ring onto. The last thing he needed was the treacherous thing slipping off and exposing himself to the horny time-bomb. The Ring, however, was firmly secured on his finger, seemingly loyal to its current bearer.

Suspicions allayed for now, he considered his situation. Twilight Sparkle seemed unaware of either his or Setton's presence, but that wasn't likely to last much longer. So he did the first logical thing that came to his mind. He spoke.

"Hello, traveler," Lee intoned in the best Baritone he could manage. "Welcome to my humble home. Please, make yourself comfortable." Twilight started at these words, but lay on his couch after a moment.

So far so good.

Lee threw a glance to Setton's hiding place. If there was any chance of diverting her attention from the considerably more vulnerable man in his bathroom, he had to keep going. Lee made his way to the bookcase, still hidden by the Ring's power. He righted it with a barely audible grunt, wincing as the sound left his lips. He was trying to go for the “intangible magical presence” effect, which was basically trying to copy the Wizard of Oz without a curtain, but for the moment it seemed to work.

Starting to place several books back on his shelves, he continued. "It's not every day that an Equestrian appears so into literature," he said with a chuckle. He came across one novel of the Dresden Files, and placed it under his arm before resuming.

"Tell me," knowing the answer already. "What is the last thing you remember before you awoke here?”

Her face unreadable, she slowly replied, "I was trying to get to know someone better, and he ends up throwing me into a bookcase." Pausing, she inquired, "Sorry, but I don't seem to have caught your name."

Ignoring the question, he replied, "I believe that his name is Alfonz? The fellow you were trying to 'get to know better'?"

The reply came in the form of a suspicious nod. "If I remember right, I'd say he is busy with another of your friends," he stated, hoping he remembered the fanfic correctly. Twilight sat bolt upright at these words.

A few more sentences, and he would ensure she wouldn’t ask too many questions about what he was. Or think to figure out what he was by using her magic. Either way, it would buy him some time to think of a way out of...

Behind him, Setton's hold on the door slipped, and he fell over into the room.

“Balls,” Lee muttered.


	3. Old Friends

Thinking fast, Lee spoke up in his altered voice. "Setton, old friend! It is good to see you!" he said merrily. "Do you think there any more people coming, or am I going to need my party supplies?" 

Setton processed this for a moment, and realized Lee intended to bullshit his way through this one. "Oh, I honestly don't know; I only came in on accident." Setton replied not untruthfully, brushing himself off casually as he could manage. Entering the room proper, he addressed the only visible other in sight. "Pardon me, but I don't think we've met before. Setton Stone, at your service," he said with a gentlemanly bow. 

While he was acting his ass off, his actual thoughts read something like, 'oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I'm actually talking to Twilight Freaking Sparkle for the love of all that is holy do NOT fuck this up' 

Twilight Sparkle had her eyes locked on the man with a strange look in her eyes. "I'm Twilight Sparkle...at yours." she said with a slight slyness in her tone. 

Lee tried not to cringe as he was removing certain titles from his shelf, and gave up when he remembered he was invisible. He had about half of the information in his mind about how this Twilight would act, and prayed to any deity that would listen that, like in Inkheart, her behavior could shift from the script (if only a little) due to her absence from her story. The Silvertongue didn't want to have his tombstone read: 

"Here lies Lee Richards. 1996 – 2016. He died while being aggressively molested by a unicorn." 

Though he did admit that would make a pretty unique epitaph. 

Setton, not realizing how deep he was digging himself, decided to let a bit of his enthusiasm slip. "Certainly not THE Twilight Sparkle," he said in astonishment, "Hailed as the most magically attuned unicorn in Equestria, descendant of the legendary mage Starswirl the Bearded, and current bearer of the Element of Magic?" 

Lee nearly facepalmed, but stopped himself as a thought came to him. Alfonz typically dealt with his amorous aggressors with hostility, biting wit, and sheer willpower. Perhaps this fanboying would save their asses. 

The mare was taken aback at his choice of words, taking a moment to collect herself before responding. 

"Yes, that's me," she said sheepishly, with her face visibly crimson. 

Their luck was holding out much better than he had hoped, and Lee began to relax before realizing it could easily go south at any second. Lee took a moment to make sure he had the books he wanted with him, and made his way over to his closet. Opening it, he retrieved a gray messenger bag and his well-worn overcoat, placing the books into the former and placing the latter on the nearby chair. 

Turning, Lee cleared his throat ostensibly. "One moment of your time, Setton, would be greatly appreciated." 

Setton, coming to his senses - though not happily - apologized to Twilight and made his way to the hall. 

He felt an invisible hand pull him towards the other room, leaving their "guest" to her thoughts. 

Speaking of whom, Twilight's face fell as she considered something Setton had said. 'Did he say I was Starswirl's descendant?' 

When the door closed behind them, Lee slapped his friend. 

Setton practically spat out, "What the hell was that for?" 

Lee took off the Ring, and looked his old friend in the eyes. "Look, you broke up with your last girlfriend two weeks ago. And I get it, there are some fictional girls we'd all like to get it on with if we had the chance. But do you really think now is the best time to hook up outside of your species?" 

Setton grew flustered, but Lee interrupted him. "Look, you're my friend. Hell, I've been by your side even when you tried to make a rocket out of wood, office chairs, a stolen windshield, and propane tanks five years ago. No matter what goes down, I need to know that you'll have my back like I've had yours. 

"I'm not saying that wasn't risky," he added as he lowered his voice, "but that was damn good work on your part. Perhaps I won't be so quick to condemn similar acts of fangasm in the future - mostly because that shocked her into giving us time. But something tells me that you don’t want her hopes getting too high." 

A moment of stunned silence passed between them, Setton looking at Lee in disbelief, the latter regarding him levelly. Setton was rendered speechless, unable to find something coherent to reply with. 

Lee broke that loaded silence by pointing out that they had to find her a way back to Equestria, because they couldn't risk the eventual bashing down of their doors from people trying to exploit the unicorn for one reason or another. 

They regarded each other silently for a moment. 

"...you have no idea where to look for a passage back, do you?" 

"You were paying attention," Lee said with a smile, patting Setton's shoulder in approval. "You're getting much better at reading subtext."

Setton rolled his eyes and thought for a moment. "If we're going to look for a fool-proof way to bring her back, we need to check the library for a usable passage. I doubt you have something better in mind, anyway." 

Lee nodded. "Fine, but if she's going outside, we need to hide her. Last thing we need is a bunch of bronies or god knows who else proclaiming the Hour of Twilight." 

Lee looked over the pages of a book on his desk, and swiftly looked for a certain passage. A few words later, a plain-looking cloak appeared on his bed. Lee draped the cloak over Setton, who immediately vanished from sight. 

Setton hopped up and down, squee-ing like a girl. 'I've got an Invisibility Cloak!' he thought in jubilation. 

Lee had to fumble around in order to grasp the Cloak, and he promptly whipped it off of Setton. “We've got work to do,” he said, finger wagging. 

Setton pouted. “Can I get it back later?” 

“Only if you help me pack.” 

And so the two went to work grabbing tools and supplies left strewn on Lee's desk. A half-finished model of a Wheatley core was casually moved aside, as the duo grabbed loose sheets of paper in various states of use, writing utensils, a notebook, and emergency flashlights. 

Lee also grabbed his old backpack and gave it to Setton, who started to pack in earnest. They evenly split his snack stash, consisting of a box of Twinkies, two large bags of Cheetos, a six-pack of Gatorade, and several ramen cups. 

After some consideration, Lee stuffed his model in a toolbox's compartment along with the materials and tools he had been using, and stowed it under his arm. It wouldn't hurt to have it close at hand, he reasoned, because you never know when you’d have the time to do such things. 

Although Lee knew that he was really bringing it because he didn’t want to repeat a certain Jordan Dooling’s mistake; at one point he hadn’t had something better to occupy his time with, so he took advantage of his (supposedly) private setting. Only it turned out that the cell was a giant one-way mirror. And his friends were forced to watch. 

He knew that the likelihood of that happening to him was slim to none, considering that it was from a work of apocalyptic fiction, but he preferred to learn from mistakes. 

They exited the room after another moment checking and rechecking that they got everything they needed. Lee had been persuaded against wearing the Ring this time, as Setton preferred to face what was to come without any further deception. That and anyone on the road would be alarmed to see a car seemingly driving itself. 

Twilight looked quizzically at Lee for a moment before piecing together that he was the owner of the disembodied voice. “Am I in the human world?” she asked. 

Lee cringed. “Yeah, and that's my fault,” he admitted. “Unintentional, sure. But I'm sorry for that.” 

Twilight got a strange gleam in her eyes. “So does that mean that there are more male humans nearby?” 

Lee frowned. “Yeah, but there's a good chance you'd be dragged off by the FBI or something. They'd probably ship you off to top men –” 

Twilight's eyes gleamed. “Oh?” she asked eagerly. 

“– who would probably dissect you to figure out what makes you tick.” 

Setton looked at Lee in horror, and Twilight's ears drooped. “Oh,” she said with considerably less enthusiasm. 

After somewhat arbitrary introductions, Lee quickly put on his coat and bag, and made his way over to the mare. Slowly he crouched to be level with her eyes. "Now then," began Lee. "I'm going to try and get you home – preferably before the FBI gets wind of this – so I'm going to need your full cooperation. What you can do first is –" 

 

* * *

  

Lee grumbled to himself as he stuffed more foodstuffs into his pack. He certainly didn't ask for that to happen, and was anything but happy about that development. Sure, a part of him got a kick out of it, but that was the minority vote in the Senate of his mind. 

Setton was grumbling for a different reason as he dragged one of the filled packs to Lee's car. “Lucky bastard gets a kiss from Twilight Sparkle and starts acting like Lucy van Pelt in that Christmas special. Does he even realize how many people would kill for that?” 

Setton paused. “Wait a minute...” He thought back to the fanfiction Lee had waved in his face. Setton whipped out his cell-phone and dialed Lee's number. 

“Yeah, Setton?” 

"So to be clear, you got her out of Dawn of the First Day?" 

“Yeah...” 

Setton closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “And you read the rest of that fanfiction?” 

“I skimmed it for anything with her name,” Lee confided. “But I read about what she did to Spike,” he said in a considerably lower tone.

“Why do you ask?” 

Setton winced. Yeah, that explained it. “I was wondering why you flipped out a minute ago.” 

Lee sighed. “When this is all over, we're having a discussion about your tastes in literature. How's the coast today?” 

Ah, the code. Setton turned in a casual circle. “Pretty empty, all things considered.” 

“Good. Keep me posted.” With that, Lee cut the connection. 

Lee looked over his apartment, taking in every detail of it. He had the sinking feeling that he wouldn't see this place for a while, but a part of him didn't care. 

That same part of him that took the whole 'Silvertongue' business in stride, when the rest of him was coming up with a thousand questions about it. 

Silvertongues gain their power through their bloodlines – in order to be one, at least one of your ancestors had to possess the 'gift,' so that begged a question in Lee's mind. How many of his family had the blood of the Silvertongues? Who passed the gift to him? Was it his father, his mother... or perhaps both? 

Lee shook his head. He couldn't get those answers right now, but he made a silent vow to find the truth behind his power. 

He turned his head towards Twilight, who was eying him strangely. 

Lee sighed. This was going to be a long adventure. He just felt it in his bones.

 

* * *

  

After employing the invisibility cloak, the two men strolled as casually as they could with a lot of nothing in Setton's arms. Lee opened the door of his El Camino so Setton could enter the backseat before Lee slid into the front. 

As the doors shut, Twilight piped up from under the invisibility cloak. “You do know I can cast an invisibility spell, right?” 

Lee shook his head. “I'd rather not have you use up all your magic just to keep yourself from being noticed.” 

“It would run off of ambient magic in the thaumosphere, so the drain would be minimal at best,” Twilight said as she 'looked' herself over. “But speaking of the cloak...where did you get this, anyway? The craftsponyship is incredible.” 

Lee shared a glance with Setton though the rear-view mirror. “Let's just say I ordered it, and leave it at that for now.” 

With that, Lee turned the ignition, and the car spluttered into life. 

The radio began blaring a familiar tune as they pulled out of the parking lot. Lee grinned maliciously at the irony as he sang along with the chorus. 

_So you want to play with magic?_

_Boy, you should know what you're falling for._

_Baby, do you dare to do this?_

_'Cause I'm coming at you like a dark horse._  

He danced in his seat, swaying his shoulders slightly up and down while keeping the wheel level, which is a feat easier said than done when driving at forty-five miles per hour. 

_Are you ready for, ready for_

_the perfect storm, perfect storm?_

_Cause once you're mine, once you're mine -_

_There's no going back!_  

Laughing, he decided to quit teasing his now crimson-cheeked friend and switched the input to the CD. The music soothed Setton slightly, and after a few seconds a side of his shirt flattened. Setton tried to focus on the music, and shoved the inner fanboy deep in his psyche to avoid catatonia. 

Several blocks later, they pulled up to the library, with both companions sitting comfortably in the backseat. To their fortune, the only people other than themselves in the library were the sleeping librarian and an old man wearing sunglasses, who was quietly poring over a weathered book. 

Making their way to the shelves in the fiction section, Setton felt it safe to take the cloak from Twilight, who was set down immediately. 

“So this is a human library...” she murmured, eyes sparkling. 

Lee left Setton to look after her for a moment, and went to the fantasy and science fiction shelves. 

Halfway into his search, Lee almost didn't notice him enter the wing. He was wearing a black fedora, sunglasses, and a crimson button-down shirt underneath an open black greatcoat. Alarm bells went off in his head when he realized the man was headed directly towards where he left Setton and Twilight. Moving to intercept this stranger, Lee rapidly crossed the shelves, ever aware he was a mere four rows from the duo. 

The man saw him coming, and paused. Features twisted in shock, the man consulted a note he had produced from his coat. Looking from the page to Lee, the man's shock dissipated, and a smile came over his face. 

"Hello again, my friend. You haven't aged a day," he said, a strange note in his voice. 

Lee was puzzled. He didn't seem to recall the fellow's name, but there was something familiar about him he couldn't quite place... 

The mysterious man noticed his confusion, and smacked himself in the forehead. "Ah, I forgot about that – you don't remember me, do you?"

Lee's confusion grew as he struggled to put a name to the face before him. There was a nagging feeling of familiarity, but any attempts Lee made just gave him a headache. 

The man saw fit to introduce himself at this point – "Silias Aeson, at your service" – with a tip of his hat. 

"Lee Richards, at yours," the Silvertongue responded in kind. Lee realized that he had no hat to tip when his hand was halfway to his head, and he settled for rubbing his neck awkwardly. 

Silias gestured to a certain row behind Lee. "I'd wager you'd like some assistance with getting your friend home." Lee began to speak, but Silias interrupted him. "I'd like to continue the acting enigmatic and say I knew about your situation long before you arrived, but let's be honest – I can see her from over here." 

Twilight stepped out from behind the shelves and looked levelly at Silias, giving him an evaluating stare. Setton, dazedly following behind, clothes looking rather ragged, as if a sexually frustrated mare attempted to forcibly disrobe him while sealing his mouth shut with telekinesis. 

...Silias pretended not to notice this. Instead, he looked around, taking in their surroundings as if for the first time. "Listen, this place isn’t the best for this conversation,” he said in stage whisper. “Follow me – I know where we can talk in private." Turning, Silias made his way deeper into the library. 

Lee was still confused about Silias' intentions for the group, but he realized that the only way to get answers was to take the gamble. So Lee followed after Silias, gesturing to Setton and Twilight to do likewise. 

Setton kept a wide berth from the mare, his eyes now holding a haunted thousand yard stare. Twilight, on the other hand – hoof? – held an expression made of one part curiosity, and one part disappointment. 

As they turned a corner, Lee was suddenly compelled to look back. His gaze fell upon the old man, who was steadily meeting his gaze. Lee unconsciously reached into his pocket, and felt the reassuring metal of a pocket watch. 

The old man smiled, raised a finger to his lips, and stood to leave with his book in his right hand. It was only after the man left the room that Lee noticed the white cane in his left.

 

* * *

 

 After a few minutes of walking, the air seemed to grow heavier and heavier as the lights gradually lessened. They only went down a flight or two of stairs, but Lee couldn't shake the felling that they were stories below the library. His concern slowly mounted, but it was Setton who spoke up first. "Where exactly are you taking us? And, for that matter, who the hell are you anyway?" 

Silias didn't break his stride, but he did turn to look at the group behind him. He thought for a moment, and replied with his own question. "You don't find it odd that I saw you with Twilight Sparkle in tow and didn't bat an eye?" 

Setton opened his mouth, considered this, and closed it silently. 

Lee, however, was intrigued. "Is this because of what happened the last time we met?" 

Silias looked at Lee for a moment. "Wait, does that mean that you remember me?" he asked. 

When Lee shook his head, he was visibly disappointed. "Well, things did get...bizarre the last time we crossed paths.” Silias looked into Lee's eyes. “The kind of bizarre that attracts some very dangerous attention." 

Lee thought back to the Ring sitting in his pocket, and started to grasp exactly how terrifying his ability could be. 

"Now, when you say 'very dangerous,’ what weight bracket are we talking about?" he wondered aloud, almost afraid to find out. 

Silias stopped, searching for the right words. Staring at Twilight and Setton for a moment, he turned so that his back was to them. 

Lee noted that the note was back in Silias' hand, and that Silias seemed to be scanning it for something. 

"'In terms that your friends would understand, they'd take Applejack's best shot look like an eagle slamming into a window. One that's a yard thick. Made of Frost Diamond. At Mach Four. With her as the metaphorical eagle.'" 

Twilight and Setton blanched at this. Frost Diamond was supposed to be the densest material known to Equestria, one that was as insanely rare as it was durable. Whoever could take a hit like that substance would leave the bones of their attacker in powder. 

Of course, Lee had no way of knowing that data – that was A-class brony trivia from one of the more obscure fanfictions, which was far out of his realm of expertise – but he guessed enough from their reactions to shudder. “Any chance you could say the name of this group...” Lee started, but stopped as he considered something. His hand brushed his satchel, thinking about its contents. “...or will saying its Name tell them where we are?” 

Silas opened his mouth to answer, but a loud thumping interrupted his train of thought. As he turned to see what made the noise, Lee noticed that they were in some kind of subterranean tunnel system. He briefly wondered how the hell they got here without anyone noticing the change in scenery, but that line of thought was dashed as he saw a shadow approaching from the way they had came.

Silas mused on this, fascinated by this development. "Well that's strange. Here I thought only you and I could find this place on our own."

Lee glanced at the wall as he processed this, and he could have sworn he saw some kind of bone disappear.

Despite the acoustics of the tunnel, Setton didn't hear what Silias had said. Rather, he was only able to hear the rhythmic thumping. "What the hell is that?" Setton practically spat out.

The only response given was Silias retreating further into the depths, hand on his chin in thought but otherwise undaunted.

Twilight blinked. “I don't think he's worried about it, whatever it is.”

Lee put a hand on Setton’s shoulder inn an attempt to reassure his friend. Setton still looked worried about the thumping but regardless, they followed him briskly down the tunnels, turning several ways before they saw the walls opening. A light could be seen as they rapidly approached the aperture, one that was strangely inviting and foreboding at the same time.

Lee, however, noticed something odd about the thumping - it was surprisingly rhythmic, and as the sound grew closer, he could discern what sounded like dubstep coming from the catacomb walls.

Stopping abruptly, he realized that the thumping WAS in fact dubstep, and turned around to face it.

Setton and Twilight continued to move forwards, oblivious to Lee's pause, and disappeared into the light.

Back in the corridor, the creature stepped into the Silvertongue's view. Lee saw it was rather small given its auditory output, as it only was level with his waist. It looked like a boombox on legs, and Lee recognized its species in a heartbeat. While he wasn't used to seeing such a thing in the flesh, it brought a massive grin to his face.

“Aren't you the cutest little Legstep!" As the oddly adorable creature caught up with him, Lee patted it affectionately. "Would you like to come with me?" he asked in the tone one usually reserved for dogs and babies.

The Legstep let out some short, upbeat wubs.

“I'll take that as a yes.”

With the bizarre creature in tow, he leisurely followed the path out into the light. “How would you like the name ‘Bass’?” he asked.

It let out a few more pleased sounding wubs, and Lee's grin gained an inch.

“Well Bass, let's see where we're headed.”

They emerged in a massive library, and as Lee looked for the others, he noticed something strange about the shelves. The sections were labeled "American People,” "British People,” and so on ad infinitum into the vastness. Looking down, Lee noted that books were set into the floor, countless hundreds of them paving the library's halls as far as the eye could see.

Lee let out a low whistle. “I'll be damned...”

He made note of a little 'Welcome' mat by the entrance, and Lee wiped his shoes off, not wanting to dirty up any of the spines of the books below him.

After a moment's searching, Lee slipped into the sub-section "Born in Maryland,” and went deeper into the shelves marked with 1990's birth dates. After a few minutes of searching, he found a book with his name on both cover and spine.

Upon opening said tome, he found that pages seemed stuck together - this oddity covered a year-long gap between his eigtheenth birthday and the present. That didn’t seem quite right, but Lee was more interested in how, hilariously enough, he found himself experiencing a variation of his favorite scene from Spaceballs, as he was reading exactly what he was thinking in real time.

'So the Peisistratos is real.' Lee paused. 'So does that make Silias...'

Shaking his head, he tried to unstick another set of clumped pages when a note fell from the page prior. Before he read the note, he took interest what he was thinking on the page in question.

The page in question mentioned part of an Alternate Universe based on the Rapture Logs, a work of fiction known as "The Knight's Legacy.” Looking carefully, it seemed Lee had started writing this one himself just prior to the memory gap. The page abruptly ended with Lee choosing the name of his protagonist, which was accompanied by a chillingly familiar sketch.

It was Silias, standing defiantly against four Rakes, brandishing a sickle in either hand.

Lee had time to think the words, 'no wonder he looked familiar,' before shit got real.

The pages abruptly began flying in his hands, turning themselves as if there was a gale force wind about. Over six months worth of memories began to flood back into Lee, racing through his head with alarming clarity.

Lee collapsed to his knees, clutching his head with his free hand. The young man was dimly aware of Bass, who was emitting some concerned sounding wubs over his shoulder.

As the last of the forgotten memories returned to their rightful place, Lee's head started throbbing more and more slowly. After what felt like an eternity, Lee rose to his feet.

“...well that explains a lot,” he murmured to himself, and opened his Book of Memories once more. Flipping through it, the pages flowed until the point he reached the end of the restored memories.

Confused, he looked in the book to find that there was a larger chunk of pages stuck together at that point. However, these stayed firmly stuck, despite any efforts to undo the bond.

He wondered about this as he closed his own Book of Memories, and his hand went once again to the pocket watch in his pocket.

Almost unconsciously, Lee placed his Book in his satchel, and went off to find the others.


	4. The Beast Below

After convincing Setton and Twilight that the Legstep was harmless, Lee paused. He looked around curiously, and frowned. "Hey, Silias. What happened to Biblio?" he asked. 

Silias had removed his sunglasses moments before to reveal a pair of gray-irised eyes, which currently were widened in surprise. Lee's question was answered for him when the bone spider emerged from Silias' jacket. 

Setton jumped back, startled by the sight of the ivory arachnid. "What the hell is that?!" 

Silias and the bone spider were visibly offended by this outburst. "This beautiful little guy is a bone spider, thank you very much." Petting the creature, he spoke to it. “Biblio's been there for me through everything, come hell or high water.” 

The little guy proudly scuttled on Silias' shoulder, but abruptly stopped when it noticed Lee nearby. With no warning, Biblio leaped onto the Silvertongue and, to the surprise of Twilight and Setton, began rubbing himself against Lee's neck. The bone spider even began purring at the contact. 

After he stroked Biblio's back - much to the latter's delight - the sound of writing reached Lee's ears. He found this sounded like a quill dancing across parchment. Considering this, he turned to find Twilight writing notes about Biblio, along with a rather accurate sketch.

“Fascinating,” she murmured. “'Seemingly constructed of bone and uncovered sinew, the bone spider shows clear signs of intelligence. The exact amount has yet to be tested by this researcher...” 

After a moment of muttering, the unicorn seemed to sense the eyes on her, and she looked up with a gleam in her eyes. “Silias, was it? Would you mind telling me more about these creatures?” 

Silias nodded, and Twilight launched into her investigation. “So from what region do 'bone spiders' originate?” 

Silias attempted to answer, but the mare kept cutting him off with her over-eager string of questions. 

“Are they magical or biological in design?” 

“Well, a mixture of both –” 

“Are there different sub-species of bone spider?” 

“Not that I know of, but –” 

“What can a bone spider do?” 

Lee cleared his throat much louder than necessary, but this managed to set Twilight's crosshairs on him. 

"If I remember correctly, this type of the bone spider naturally resides in the realm of the Blind Man, the Peisistratos, where we are now. Bone spiders can create obfuscations of just about anything. Objects, places, people, and so on." 

Setton looked thoughtful for a moment. "So what you're saying is... you can call into reality anything at all so long as you read it, but that little spider can do the same with a bit of weaving?" 

Lee waved his hand in a so-so gesture. "Sort of. Silvertongues can pull things from other realities through the use of the written word, and they become 'real' in relation to wherever they've been read to. This is usually due to the use of ‘fiction’ as a foci. The constructs of bone spiders, on the other end, have less substance to them. To oversimplify it, they can create extremely vivid illusions.” 

Twilight, for her part, had pulled out several scrolls - where she got them from, Lee had no clue - which hovered around her as she jotted down this information. 

In the midst of the barrage of questions that arose, Lee was astonished to find that she wrote almost as fast as he spoke. Lee briefly wondered if she had been tutored by one of Jordan Dooling's cognates or something. 

Silias looked at Lee searchingly. There seemed to be a question on his mind that he couldn't put into words. His eyes drifted down to Lee's satchel, and Silias began staring holes into it. 

Noting this, Lee took advantage of the mare's preoccupation with changing scrolls to ask Silias a question of his own. "What happened on October 14th, back in 2011?" 

He looked at him levelly for a moment. "What do you mean?" he asked, hesitant. 

Lee drew out his Book of Memories, eliciting a small gasp from Silias. "There's a massive gap in my Book starting from that day and ending about two months ago." Lee rubbed the back of his head. “I should have expected that sort of thing, as technically I went back in time when I went in, but the fact that there's a gap at all is confusing.” 

Twilight snapped up from her scrolls, thrown by the change in topic. “Wait, what book?” 

Silias' eyes lit up like it was Christmas. "So...you remember everything else?" he asked, hope dancing in his voice. 

Lee smiled. “We’ve been through quite a bit, you and I. Like when we were traveling along that highway in North Dakota, and we came across that three-headed Carbra. You had managed to open up several of its gas tanks during the fight, and did that insane maneuver using that rag and Kain’s shotgun. I still have no idea how you managed to pull it off.” 

Setton was, understandably, confused. “What's a Carbra again?” 

“Basically a giant cobra made of cars,” Silias said absently, smiling broadly at the memory. He stepped forwards, opened his arms, and gave the Silvertongue a hug. “It's good to have you back, Lee.” 

“Wait, you two fought a cobra made of cars?!” Setton asked as his eyes bugged. “When the hell did this happen?” 

Silias shifted his head to regard Setton, and waved a hand dismissively. “When Rapture tried to eat the universe, back in 2011. You didn't go through it because you didn't get read into the story with Lee.” 

Setton started spluttering like a fish out of water. Shaking, he pointed a finger at Lee. “You mean you knew about your powers this whole time?” 

“Don't look at me like that,” Lee said as he stepped out of the hug, raising his arms defensively. “My memories of that time were sealed until about ten minutes ago.” 

Lee paused, considering something, and turned to Silias. “By the way, why didn't we meet up sooner? What have you been up to these past few months?” 

Silias’s expression clouded. He pulled out the note from earlier, the one he had back in the regular library. “After I woke up in this world, a man in red gave me this, and made me swear not to approach you again until the date on this note. And even then, you had to be with the people specified, and I had to say the highlighted words at least once. I assumed he went through so many hoops because he was from the future – when he thought I couldn’t see him, he left the Peisistratos to go to Tuonela.” 

Setton held up both his hands. “Hold on a minute. Isn't that the Finnish word for Hell or something? How does going there make him a time traveler?” 

Silias waved his hand. “Well, the mythology says that it's the Land of the Dead, but mythology doesn't get every detail right. Strictly speaking, it's the name of a universe, and time spent there doesn't synch up with time spent in this universe. If you know where to go, and when to go, you can use it to travel through time in relation to this universe.” 

He gestured to Twilight and Setton. “And it looks like my time-traveler guess was right.” 

Twilight shook her head. “That seems like an overly complicated way to time travel. I mean, why didn't he use the time travel spell to do it?” 

Silias stared at Twilight for a moment, seriously conflicted on what he should say in response to that innocent remark. 

Meanwhile, Lee was taking a closer look at the stationery. “Mind if I borrow this?” he asked abruptly. 

Silias blinked. “Uh...go ahead.” 

Lee ran straight back to the shelf where he found his book, and after a quick search he retrieved the note from the ground. Shaking, Lee held the papers up to each other. 

The paper was a perfect match. 

Lee went back to where he had left the others, holding the notes in one hand. “I remembered that I saw this paper before,” he explained. “It was in the page where I came up with the idea for your story.” 

This statement caught Setton’s attention. “Wait, are you telling me that you wrote this guy?” 

Lee turned to Setton. “I see it as more of a 'chicken and egg' scenario, but I wrote Silias' story. After I wrote the story, I had accidentally read myself into it, and spent the next five odd months knee deep in the apocalypse. This note,” holding up the bit of paper, “was placed just before the memory gap that occupied that space.” 

While Setton gaped at the young man, still trying to come to terms with the fact that Silias was a fictional character, Lee pressed on.

“Whoever gave Silias that note must have left this one in my Book. I'd stake my power on it.” 

Twilight looked at the folded paper in Lee's hand. “Have you read that one?” 

Lee shook his head, and unfolded the note. After a moment, he looked as though he was about to read it aloud. After a tense moment of silence, Lee thought better of it, handed it to Twilight, and asked her to read it in his place. 

Twilight nodded, and recited the following: 

_Hello, Lee. Considering what you’ve gone through since discovering your talent, it’s amazing you’re still in control of yourself. As I write this, however, that's decidedly not the case. If you were familiar with Stephen R. Donaldson’s 'The Killing Stroke,’ then you’d guess why it has to be this way. There are limits to what I can do, but I can make sure you – and the Totality of Existence – has a fighting chance in the days to come._

_My emissary will be leaving this note in my place, as I won't have the strength to do it myself. I am glad that I managed to deliver Silias his note before the end, at the very least._

_Focus on your quest, my old friend, and listen to this warning for your own sake. Don’t interfere with the Sirens the second time around._ _My song may be ending, but the story will live on. That is what I’m counting on._

_Signed,_

_Henry Parrish_

_The Red Bard_  

While Lee and Silias tried to remember if they met a “Red Bard” during their travels, Setton looked as if he had seen a ghost. In a way, you could say that he had, and he just didn’t know until the reference to Donaldson clicked. He just picked one of Donaldson’s collections from a used bookstore the week before, and was all too familiar with what this Red Bard was implying. 

What also scared him was the thought that, if this Red Bard really was from the future, then that could mean that he knew that Setton would get the reference. He was jolted from this thinking when he noticed something in the distance, as well as a noticeable change in the air. 

Setton interrupted their talking by slamming two books together. All eyes shifted towards him. 

Shifting in place for a second, he cleared his throat. "Out of curiosity, but is this place supposed to get this dark?" 

Everyone else paused in what they were doing, and they turned to look around them. The shadows had deepened considerably during their exchange, and at this point they realized there had been something standing behind them. 

The ground was bright in a circle of the floor some distance away, and to Lee's horror, he recognized the figure standing in its center. Silas was the first to speak up, saying the most eloquent and well-cultured thing possible given the position. "Oh crap," he whispered. “It's The Beast.” 

They stood and regarded each other in silence. The Beast, one of the most powerful creatures ever written about, was standing not five yards from the group. Lee had remembered about him from The Rapture Logs, and it was taking all his willpower not to run like hell. 

Which was understandable, given what had shaped the eldritch being in front of him: tortured in the Planck level of Xanadu for most of the Logs, during which his agony created a whole fucking _pocket dimension_ , being twice condemned made the slender man into Fear Incarnate. 

Though something struck Lee as odd about the former slender man, and upon a closer look realized that his eldritch weapon, a black Guitar Hero controller forged in the deepest level of Xanadu, was radiating power. 

His hat of shadow was somehow darker than the blackness surrounding them, and shadows bled from the material as his scarf of blood whipped as if a strong wind was blowing. However, the rest of him looked like hell: his suit was torn in many places, and his mouth was ripped into a ragged, permanent grin. 

Trying to stall for time as he processed this, he took a leap of faith. "You are the Beast, I take it?" he inquired as casually as he could manage. 

The Beast inclined his head towards him, and after a moment spoke. " **That I am. And who are you?** " Each word sent chills down Lee's spine, but he held his ground. 

His mind continued to race. "I am Lee Richards, a Silvertongue. Behind me are Silas, Setton, Bass the Legstep, and..." 

"I’m Twilight Sparkle,” the unicorn interrupted. “Nice to meet you. Pardon my asking, but what are you, exactly?" 

Lee’s eye twitched slightly, but no one seemed to notice. 

The three men were surprised to see the Fear casually reply, " **I was once just a Fear. Someone...close had imprisoned me, during which time the apocalypse began and I gained this form. I became the most Feared creature on the planet after my imprisonment, building an empire of eldritch proportions, and I fought Rapture itself for the sake of my universe.** " 

Going by tone alone, one could imagine the Fear was simply describing what he did on a Tuesday morning. 

Confused by this congenial behavior, Lee racked his knowledge of his origin piece until he hit upon a possible explanation. In the Christmas special of The Rapture Logs, it told the tale of The Beast after the apocalypse was stopped. In this epilogue, The Beast was repentant of his crimes against humanity, and wanted to atone any way he could. Specifically, it told of him helping Santa Claus deliver presents to everyone on Earth on Christmas Eve. 

Lee wondered if the same Beast was standing before them. It would explain the permanent grin on his face, as well as the testimony The Beast had given to Twilight. 

Lee's mind was fully engaged now. That is either really good or really bad: I didn't read him here, that's for certain, but at the same time that means we have no ideas as to what got him here. 

Lee decided to bite the bullet. “Out of curiosity, slender man, have you delivered any presents on behalf of Santa Claus?” 

The Beast nodded. “ **Indeed I have.** ” 

Something shattered in Setton's mind as he processed the facts that the slender man was standing in front of him, that Santa Claus was actually real, and the mental image of the former wearing the latter’s jolly regalia and carrying a sack of toys. 

The Beast seemed to have questions of his own. " **You said that you are a Silvertongue: what does that mean, exactly?** " 

Honesty was proving to be a great policy, so Lee obliged. "Well, as a Silvertongue, I can alter reality – or at least, what's in it. To my knowledge, I need to have some form of written word in view, as my limits consist of what's on the page. Also, there seems to be a need for balance - for instance, if I was to read someone in or out of a book, someone would from the opposite side would be dragged through." 

Lee was about to continue when his own words sank in. If he read Twilight Sparkle out of her story... 

 _...did someone go in?_  

The Beast seemed interested. “ **You’re saying that you read this one into existence?** ” He poked the unicorn gingerly, as if expecting her to fall apart at his touch. Twilight shivered involuntarily at the contact. “ **So it’s not a mere obfuscation?** ” 

Lee shook his head. “As far as I know, flesh and blood.” 

“ **Fascinating.** ” 

Twilight looked at Lee curiously. "Wait a minute - if your magic works that way, why haven't you sent me back already?” 

Lee rubbed his hand behind his head sheepishly. "Your story doesn't have a passage that could guarantee your return home. Even in Alfonz's case, it never mentioned his actual arrival past him frolicking in the countryside near the town limits, so I couldn't base anything off of that," Lee said as he shook his head. 

The Beast turned to regard Lee before speaking. “ **So where are we? I know we’re in what looks like the Peisistratos, but where is it located now?** ” 

“To my understanding, the real world.” 

The Beast scoffed. “ **I once thought that too, but the bicycle told me otherwise.** ” 

Lee crossed his arms, searching his mind for that character. “You mean the Catechist?” 

“ **If you are referring to Ten Speed, you are correct.** ” 

“Right. He told you that you were a character in a story,” Lee said as he tilted his head. “Speaking of which, you do know that the writer of your story exists in this world, right?” 

“ **Who is he, anyway? That’s the only thing he refused to tell me.** ” 

“Jordan Dooling.” 

The Beast processed this. “ **…The X created me?** ” 

“Yep.” 

Silence. 

“ **…I did not see that coming.** ” 

Setton, meanwhile, had his mind elsewhere. "Hey, Silias – even though my mind's been throwing up a bunch of error messages, I thought I heard you say this place is linked to every library in existence. Did I hear that right?" 

Twilight scoffed. “I still think that's impossible – even if this place was built by somepony as strong as the Princesses, there's no way it could link to all libraries in existence. And even if it was, this place would have to be infinitely large to support those kinds of dimensional links.” 

The Beast, Lee, and Silias took a moment of silence. 

The Beast glanced at Silias. “...you haven't told her?” 

Silias turned to The Beast with a grimace. “I'll get to that later.” 

Silias turned back to the group as a whole, and took a deep breath. “Yes, yes it is. Considering that Lee can't do much for the situation, using the Doors would be the best bet at this time. It may take a while, but we'd get there eventually.” 

Lee looked at Twilight, who was still in disbelief. "It's a pretty solid plan for getting you home, all things considered,” he assured her. 

Then Lee turned to The Beast. “So what about you? Would you mind helping us look around for a Door to her world?" 

The Beast shrugged. " **I have no better plans** ," he admitted. However, he did make a mental note to visit the Jordan Dooling of Lee's universe. 

Somewhere, a young man playing Guitar Hero shivered, drawing his purple scarf tightly around his neck. 

The plan was simple: split up and look for a path to a cartoon-colorful world, then if the inhabitants looked like Twilight, take notes on where it was in the Peisistratos and what was going on inside. After searching around four Doors each, they would return to the 'Icelandic Peoples' section to regroup. 

Satisfied, Lee and Silias went in one direction with The Beast, leaving Twilight with Setton and Bass.


	5. Baking Bads

**"This looks like this opens up to some kind of factory; different from the one I remember, but only because it appears to be in service...and, admittedly, far less Spidertanks. Those - what are they again, ponies? - they're saying something about rainbows."**  

Silias backpedaled and saw Lee and The Beast, the latter with his inside a Door, intently studying the activity on the other side. He seemed to be reporting what he saw to Lee, who was taking notes on a long Post-It.

 **"They have a smaller one held over some sort of machinery. Hold on...they're saying about its workings. 'We find the machine works better if the ribs are broken?' What kind of -"**  Abrupt sounds of snapping, followed by agonized screaming, erupted from within. The sounds of whirring machinery swallowing up its source led to utter silence. 

As if silently saying "nope" to the prospect of ever entering, both man and Beast shut the Door. **"...for her sake, don't let the the purple one look in there,"** The Beast said, before walking away to find another Door. 

Lee didn't bother commenting further, but put a Post-It to the Door that was now titled "Rainbow Factory," above the notes he had already written. Silias didn't press for further explanation. 

The next Door was more promising. After seeing no one inside, Lee convinced Silias and the Beast to keep the Door open while he did recon. 

Slipping on the Ring, he entered into a curious room with a basic palette comparable to the first; only this one seemed more natural. More inviting and...homely. 

Looking around, Lee found himself to be in Twilight's library. His heart soared as it took in the wonder, marveling at the sight. He smiled as he filed this moment away in his memory. _Not every day you see a place like this,_  he mused, _especially since this is made out of a living tree._  Lee frowned a bit. _Unless of course you're one of those Keebler elves. Note to self: learn if Twilight has any skill baking cookies._  

He was startled to hear whispers all around him. Looking around curiously, he saw no one around him. Lee was even more shocked to find some of the voices were coming from his own satchel. Opening it, the books he packed sat patiently, but now he could make out what the whispers were saying. They were speaking to him, spouting verses from the pages in the room, beseeching him to bring them to life. 

It was coming back to Lee now: yes, he had heard these voices before, but not the ones of this library. Re-reading his Book reawakened the memories of hundreds of voices, of hundreds upon thousands of stories of every kind...though considering he had spent a good deal of time in the Peisistratos, this was hardly an accomplishment to have heard so many speaking to him. 

Now ignoring them to the point where they were silent, that was a feat. Looking back, Lee wondered why he hadn't heard those voices since he had arrived back home. 

...perhaps it was best to ponder that alarming line of thought later. 

Exiting the library slowly, Lee took a good look at his surroundings. _It definitely looks like Equestria, but is it the right one? At any rate, I haven't seen anyone, so it's entirely up in the air._  

Heading into Ponyville, where the streets were strangely devoid of ponies, he spotted an iconic multicolor contrail touch down by the nearby bakery. Adjusting his speed, he managed to slip in after the contrail’s creator and entered Sugarcube Corner without a sound. Looking around, he didn't see anyone else but Rainbow Dash (for who else could have made that contrail) and Pinkie Pie in the usually busy bakery. _Where the hell is everyone?_  Lee thought. 

His stomach grumbled, at which point Lee dropped this previous line of thought to remember he hadn't eaten for hours. While the only two ponies he had seen so far were talking, Lee took advantage of their preoccupation (and the One Ring on his finger) to slip into the kitchen unnoticed. After briefly looking around, he snagged himself a cupcake. For some reason, the first thing Lee thought of after seeing Pinkie was freshly prepared cupcakes. He wasn't sure why, though. This uncertainty in his memory almost felt like dark water sloshing about in the cavity of his skull, and thought that perhaps he would think a little clearer after having something in his stomach. 

Meanwhile, the bubbly pink pony changed the sign on the door to "Closed," and offered the pegasus her own cupcake. 

Lee, still in the other room, unknowingly timed his bite to mirror that of the pegasus. Not the worst cupcake he ever had, but there was something a bit off in the texture. Perhaps it would be best if he didn't eat any more, and Lee decided to introduce the half-eaten cupcake to the garbage can. They got along rather nicely, as the garbage can welcomed the cupcake into its maw and the cupcake had no issues with taking the garbage can up on its offer. Lee...wasn't sure where that bit of prose came from, but he wasn't going to stand around thinking of something to replace it. 

While entering the first room, Lee briefly considered taking off the Ring and seeing how the mares would react to him - to cut the metaphorical Gregorian Knot of this investigation - when he saw the winged pony collapse. 

Lee paused, equally confused and curious as to what was happening here. For a start, the way the pegasus collapsed was as abrupt as it was suspicious, and then there was the matter of Pinkie Pie casually lifting the unconscious pony onto her back as if she was a sack of flour. Lee watched as Pinkie immediately went for a door he had not noticed when he came inside, one that opened to a downwards set of stairs. Wanting to see where this would lead, Lee decided to follow her descent. 

The first thing that hit Lee on that walk down was the scent, and it nearly made him trip down the stairs in surprise. He managed to stop himself, but accidentally placed all of his weight on a loose part of the stairs, and the wood let out a deafening groan of protest. 

Pinkie stopped for a moment, frowning. Lee didn’t dare move or breathe for a good five seconds. His mind briefly flashed to a memory, one he had recently regained, of a place known as the Sweet Hours. Despite the saccharine name and general appearance of the place, it had taught him a valuable lesson on what happens when you underestimate something based on its appearance. 

Upon reflection, the fact that Sugarcube Corner would have looked quite at home in the Sweet Hours should have triggered that train of thought earlier. 

When Pinkie shrugged and kept descending, Lee stopped himself from sighing in relief, as this is a classic way people tended to die in horror movies. He then noticed that Pinkie had already made it to the bottom of the stairs, and carefully continued following her. 

When his eyes adjusted to the light – which was provided only by a single, shaded bulb swinging from the ceiling – Lee realized that maybe his flashback to his time spent in the Sweet Hours was a bit more prophetic than he would have hoped. 

The basement was covered in viscera. Unnaturally bleached bones had been attached together to make a surprisingly beautiful table set, with the backs of the chairs depicting scenes of a curly-haired pony baking, hanging decorations, and eviscerating a gryphon. _How long must that have taken to make?_  Lee wondered, ultimately resisting the temptation to ask how much it would cost for him to leave with the whole set. For a start, where the hell would he put them, back at his apartment? 

Looking around the room, he noticed that entrails had been woven into necrotic patterns across the ceiling. _Yeesh. That must be a real bitch to maintain,_  Lee thought. He also noted the balloons made from a pair of lungs and a heart that almost looked like it was beating.

Finally looking directly under the hanging bulb, Lee watched Pinkie Pie finish strapping Rainbow Dash to a table with leather restraints at each corner. While this tableau was disturbing, Lee found himself questioning how the restraints were being tightened at all when the restrainer was only using hooves. 

As Pinkie Pie walked back upstairs, Lee’s line of sight finally let him see the mannequin next to the stairs. Walking towards it, Lee noted the patchwork dress hanging off of its frame, along with a pair of mismatched wings attached to the back. Inspecting the patches more closely, Lee finally realized why this all seemed familiar. 

He was in the infamous creepypasta, Cupcakes. 

Lee then realized that the cupcake he had bitten from upstairs almost certainly contained pony meat. He considered the ethical ramifications of this for a moment. After deep reflection, Lee ultimately put ‘unwittingly eating the remains of a talking pony’ below ‘shoving one of Salmacis’ Camper into the path of the Omen’ on his list of things that would haunt his dreams for the rest of his life. 

Turning back to the hapless pony snoring away on the slab, Lee eyed the various scalpels, hammers, all of the irons in the fire (all of them), a pair of hacksaws –  

_– which a weird name, considering hacksaws don’t hack and all. I mean, they’re saws, not hatchets!_

While his train of thought had been interrupted by this discourse, Lee found himself agreeing with the voice he had dubbed his inner smartass. The strange thing was, though he noted that while it wasn’t his own voice, it certainly sounded familiar. Where did he know that voice from? 

Placing that mystery on the metaphorical backburner, Lee picked up a hacksaw, having decided to free Rainbow Dash before he left this Equestria. While eating a pony’s remains could hardly be considered his fault, consciously leaving this pegasus to die would weigh much heavier on his conscience. 

Lee cut the bottom set of restraints first, taking great care not to catch Rainbow Dash’s flesh with the deceptively sharp teeth. Having done this, Lee realized he should probably make sure Pinkie wasn’t going to walk in and see the floating hacksaw releasing her prospective victim. Lee looked behind him, half expecting Pinkie to be standing right behind him with a Stepford Smile and a knife… 

…only to see nothing.

 _Better not take any chances,_  Lee thought, and reached into his satchel. Grasping a composition notebook and a pen, Lee opened the former up to a blank page and began to write up a distraction.

 _As Pinkie Pie began to walk to the basement once more, a strange sound came from behind her. Turning around, she saw…_  

 

* * *

 

…five sets of bagpipes were in the middle of hurling themselves through the main floor of Sugarcube Corner while playing a horrifying quintet of “Baby” by Justin Beiber. In addition to the horrendous song choice, it seemed these bagpipes were having incredible issues trying to synchronize their music. 

Pinkie Pie, surprised that her Pinkie Sense hadn’t warned her about self-playing bagpipes, wondered where in Tartarus these things had come from. 

There was also the assortment of strange words imprinted on their bags that had gotten Pinkie’s interest… 

…she quickly decided to ignore those little details for now, and stepped forwards to teach these instruments how to play with themselves. 

 

* * *

  

Fun fact about Silvertongues and their power: when a Silvertongue is reading something out of a page, the thaumaturgic bond between concept and caster can be manipulated through how much effort the Silvertongue places into its description. When something is read out of a page only partway through, whatever comes of it is imperfect to some degree – this can range anywhere from source material on the object’s surface to, let’s say, a dramatic sabotaging of musical quality. 

Having remembered this fact among those memories he had recovered, Lee decided to try and weaponize this in a specifically nonlethal manner. While Pinkie attempted to conduct the bagpipes upstairs, Lee finished releasing Rainbow Dash from her restraints. The only downside to this was that she started to fall under her own weight, and when Lee went to catch her he remembered a second too late just how damn heavy ponies were. 

Luckily for him, pegasi skeletons were evolutionally designed to emulate those of avian biology as opposed to regular pony biology, so in the end Rainbow Dash weighed roughly as much as a sack of flour. Unluckily, the practically comatose Pegasus pinned him to the ground under her size. Swearing quietly, Lee did his best to get out from under Rainbow without just tossing her off – if she woke up now, it would hardly leave a good first impression. 

Lee then dragged Rainbow next to the mannequin – _or maybe it's called a ponnequin? I should probably pick up a book on pony semantics at some point in this adventure,_ Lee thought before refocusing on the task at hand.

 _Alright, Lee. Considering how strong horse tranquilizers are, and how dense she has to be in order for flight not to be insanely difficult with those tiny wings, Rainbow will probably be out for a while. In other words, I have to physically get her out of the building to somewhere Pinkie won’t be able to follow…_  

The Peisistratos was the first place that came to mind, considering Lee knew Jack Schist about the layout of Ponyville, and that Lee’s minimal knowledge about Pinkie in particular only told him that apart from baking, parties, and apparently furniture construction, she was capable of serious eldritch schenanigans.  

Setting Rainbow in a corner, he racked his brain for ideas. Putting the Ring on her was out of the question, considering it would just leave him visible, and apparently holding her while wearing the Ring did not make her turn invisible either. Perhaps he could get an idea from one of his books? 

He pulled out a book from his pack, and was lucky to find it was his paperback copy of Changes by Jim Butcher. _Hmm. Maybe I can use one of Dresden’s spells if I read the incantation. Hopefully, assuming that could work, I can use one of his nonlethal ones to buy us a little time._ Flipping through it, he slowly realized that the din upstairs had ended. 

The sound of hooves slowly clip-clopping down the stairs was a lot more comical than their context, but that didn’t stop Lee from silently flipping the fuck out. _God, I hope this works_ , he prayed, sighting a particular phrase in the book. 

When she came into the room proper, she was shocked to find her intended victim gone. Whirling around, her impressively blue eyes fell upon him; book in one hand, her quarry slung limply over his shoulder, Ring in his pocket. Lee wasn’t sure why he took the Ring off (he faintly recalled that other voice suggesting it to him) but the look on her face was absolutely priceless. He couldn't help but quip in that second of uncertainty. 

"Surprise!" 

Lee raised his free hand, shouting "Forzare!" A blast of raw force slammed into Pinkie Pie, throwing her into her grisly decorations with a sickening squelch. Lee winced. It worked all right, but he felt guilty over hitting the mare with a magical haymaker like that. For someone who in this timeline was supposed to be a serial killer, she was pretty damn cute…er, in the ‘it’s so fluffy, I could die’ kind of way, naturally. 

As he was thinking this, Pinkie continued to reel in the tangled gore, almost bound in the entrail-streamers, when she began biting and tearing the necrotic flesh away to free herself. 

Do not pass Go, do not collect 200 dollars, just run for your freaking life, the other voice practically screamed at Lee. 

…Lee agreed, and decided to focus on that line of thinking after he absconded the hell out of this universe. 

The first issue with his plan, Lee realized, was trying to run up the stairs with so much dead weight on him that he couldn’t lose. Thinking quickly, Lee spotted another spell he could use and shouted it immediately. “Ventas Servitas!” 

While Lee technically got them up the stairs quickly, he regretted that decision almost instantly. Considering that the blast of air carried them out through the wall of the building – which he was immensely lucky was only made of wood – this regret was entirely justified. 

Picking himself and the still zonked out Rainbow Dash off the ground, Lee poured his strength into running full-tilt towards Golden Oaks Library. As he ran through the streets, however, he was surprised that no ponies had come out to investigate. _What, were Rainbow Dash and Pinkie the only two in this universe or something?_  

Speaking of whom, Lee looked over the shoulder not holding up Rainbow to see the pink devil gaining on him. 

"Come back!" she cried, almost innocently in that cheery little voice of hers. "I want to throw you a party, Pinkie Pie style!" 

"Thanks but no thanks!" Lee found himself calling over his shoulder. "Maybe when you're not baking with your friends I'll reconsider!" 

Lee assumed it was his inner smartass, or whatever the hell that voice belonged to was laughing at this joke, but Lee found that it was Pinkie giggling behind him. And she was way too close for comfort. "Come on, silly-filly – if you stop running, you can help me make cupcakes! I’ll even let you pick the iciiiing~!" 

Lee briefly wondered if he had misread the situation before noticing the knife blade poking out ever so slightly out of Pinkie’s hair and reminding himself that this universe was based on the only Creepypasta to gain a “Grimdark as Fuck” rating. Those thoughts of misreading her intentions were stabbed forty-seven times before being left to bleed out in a dark alley. 

Throwing dignity out the window, he forced himself to run faster – and blatantly ripping off a technique he had seen in a Let’s Play series. "YOLOOOOOO!" he cried at the top of his lungs. He proceeded to scat the song “He’s a Pirate” furiously as he doubled his speed, leaping over the ground like a majestic, but still scared shitless gazelle. As the library came ever closer, he considered thanking God for PewDie’s videos…or to make a note to send the Youtuber an Edible Arrangement at some point in the future. It’s the least you do for someone who kinda saved your life by proxy, right? 

Then again, it was a little too early to think of such things. His pursuer was still close behind him, and he felt dread grip him like a deranged gorilla on a barrel of steroids. He pushed his body to the limits as he blazed towards the Library's door.

 _I have never been happier to see you,_ Lee thought as his hand flew to the woodwork. _And I have never been happier that the door to a library was left wide open,_ he added as an afterthought, sure that he had closed it on his way out many paragraphs ago. 

Charging inside, Lee found the Door and dove headfirst inside. The Beast turned just in time to sidestep Lee, who crashed into Silias with the grace of a flying brick. 

"Dare I ask?" Silias quipped after shoving Lee off of him. Silias then noticed Rainbow, who was slowly getting to her senses. "Wasn't the point of this venture to bring someone back where they belong, and not to collect random ponies along the way like a weird game of Pokémon?" 

Lee quickly closed the Door and tried securing it, which is a lot easier said than done considering it had manifested in a freestanding frame.

"Okay, what the hell happened?" Silias asked, getting much more concerned. “And why did you think the only thing you could do was to drag this pony here?”   

Lee quit trying to bar the Door and gave him a tired look. "Ever read a story called Cupcakes?” 

Silias frowned. “Can’t say that I have. Why?”

“Okay, the CliffNotes version is this: it’s an infamous MLP fanfic-slash-creepypasta where a potential reality-warper turned serial killer uses remains of her victims to create cupcakes,” Lee said bluntly. 

Silias blinked several times at this. “And this story actually exists?” 

Lee pinched the bridge of his nose. “For a guy whose domain is literally filled with every shred of written language AND memory in existence, one would think you should have already known that,” Lee said, sighing. “Especially considering I just came through the door with that pink pony’s latest potential victim.” 

By this point, Rainbow Dash had come to, and was listening to this conversation quite intently and uncharacteristically silent. The Beast was the only other person who noticed this all as it happened, except for a semi-omniscient observer reading this on a web browser. The Beast, rightly believing she had heard enough, tapped the other two on the shoulders. Lee and Silias looked up at the Beast, confused expressions on their faces. The Beast then gestured to Rainbow Dash, and both boys noticed her disbelieving gaze boring straight into them. 

If silence had levels like Xanadu, the four of them would be neck deep in the Planck. This, inevitably, was broken by Rainbow Dash furiously tackling Lee, shouting at him to explain himself. 

And so he did.

 

* * *

 

She first thought it was some sort of prank, claimed that it was a fake, staged as a cruel joke...but Lee stood there wordlessly, not wanting to meet her gaze. He had given her his Book of Memories, after demonstrating the authenticity of the information within three times over. As his silence spoke volumes, and the volume spoke for him, the truth was made painfully clear.

She slowly sank to the ground. "Why would she want to do this?" she asked softly. "I thought we were friends..."

Lee sighed. "Sadly, I don't know the answer to that. Even in the story, her reasons are never truly explained. I...suppose I could always try asking. I mean, there is a chance that she'll decide not to give a straight answer, but -"

Suddenly, the Door with the Post-It reading 'Rainbow Factory' at the top burst open, and a pegasus filly shot out of the opening as if the devil was at her tail.


	6. Geared Up

Twilight looked at Setton as they made their way to their second Door. "So you’re saying ponies are just stories in your world?” she asked. “No unicorns, no pegasi, none exist on ‘Earth’ whatsoever.” 

“As far as I know,” the boy replied. “I mean, I’ve never seen one in person before, so…” 

Twilight paused for a beat. “That means I’m your first,” she stated with a sly smile, one that said she fully aware of the double entendre. 

Setton nearly tripped over some of the books in the floor the second that processed. Bass caught Setton before he fell all the way, bending his legs in a way that defied anatomical description in order to stop the fall with its body before it somehow returned Setton to a standing position. 

Setton resisted the urge to shiver. He wasn’t sure which was worse, that he was practically alone with a mare on a hair-trigger between immensely curious and fatally nymphomaniacal, or that he was surrounded by crazy eldritch…stuff. It struck him odd that Lee had no issues at all with strolling around in a ludicrously stocked library, petting spiders made of bone and muscle, trusting the motherfucking slender man enough to walk around with him, not to mention a living boombox on black, spindly legs. 

Then again, Lee had always wondered what Setton saw in the Twilight saga, so... 

Looking down, Setton noticed that Twilight had saw him falling as well, and had thrown herself face-up right underneath where he would have landed if Bass hadn’t caught him. 

“Dot dot dot,” Setton said, but didn’t say, as if he was filling a speech bubble in some improbable comic-book adaptation of this scene. 

“Dot dot dot,” Twilight responded in kind. 

“Dot dot dot,” Setton responded in kind to her response in kind. He then leaned down to help Twilight to her hooves, as the “dot dot dot” joke would not further this story along in any constructive way if it went on for much longer. Twilight lunged upwards, hoping to steal a kiss, but accidentally made Setton panic and grab her sides instead of her hoof when he tried to pull her up. This then led to a comical display in which the mare was flipped over Setton’s head, the boy lost his balance, and they both fell over backwards. 

As a result, Setton learned firsthand how a pony belly felt lying on a human face. Before Twilight could capitalize on this vulnerable moment, Bass calmly picked her up and placed her back on the ground in a standing position. Then he hauled Setton back up and began dusting them both off. 

Setton, for one, wondered how Bass did this without arms. He didn’t ask this directly, partly due to the fact that he probably wouldn’t have understood Bass even if he did work up the courage to do so. “Y’ know, for what Lee claims to be a baby Legstep, you’re acting really…” Setton searched for the right words, drawing a blank. “Unbabylike,” he finished lamely. 

Bass let out a few innocent sounding wubs as the arms decided to vanish into smoke. The Legstep then paused, turned on its heel towards one of the shelves, walked towards a seemingly random spot, and started letting out a few urgent sounding beats. 

Setton briefly exchanged a glance with Twilight before walking over to the Legstep. “What is it, Bass?” he asked. 

Just when Twilight walked over to the two, Legstep pulled its right leg back and violently kicked the shelf. 

Suddenly, a Door appeared. 

Then Bass opened it and went inside. 

Both Twilight and Setton wondered how the hell that could have happened when the doorknob didn’t even move, but stopped worrying about that little detail the second they followed Bass in. 

They found themselves at a loss for words. Try to picture a soap bubble with the light shining on its surface, with the random swirls of colors ever shifting and changing. Now scrap that, because this looked nothing like it. 

It was simply a realm of pure chaos. While it was seemingly devoid of life, it did have a bookcase with numerous tomes stacked on the shelves. Bass was going through some records that had been shelved along with the books, and pulled out one with a strange Scratch gouged into it. It deposited the vinyl…somewhere…while Setton racked his brain as to how any of that was supposed to work. 

Taking a look at the books on the shelves, he noticed there was a bit of paper that stuck out from between two hardbound titles, which Setton gingerly removed. It was a letter, but Setton's eyes went to the size of dinner plates when he saw whom it was addressed to. Reading silently to himself, it dawned on him what story they had tumbled into. 

Replacing the tear-stained letter with care, he turned to tell Twilight to get back to the Door. However, she pieced together who lived here, standing stock still in the middle of the loosely defined study. 

"This has to be the hoofwork of Discord," she said quietly staring at a mundane, cross-stitched lampshade reading ‘Chaos, Sweet, Chaos.’ "Only…where is he? What has he done to Equestria? Why haven't the Element Bearers from this world stopped him?" she continued, her questions coming in a melting pot of confusion, fear, and something harder to pin down. 

Setton knew the answers to all three: _Free from his stone prison by this point. Absolutely nothing, to the endless surprise of the Princesses. They can’t because they’re all dead of old age, which is why he was freed in the first place._  

He knew from reading Sunny Meadow's final letter that this was they were past the epilogue to Keepers of Discord. He remembered how bittersweet that story had been, kind of like Toy Story 3, but while it would be interesting to chat about that with Twilight, he knew they should leave before Discord returned to his pocket dimension. Lord knows what he would make of Twilight Sparkle, alive and well in his living room. Or study. Or…whatever the hell this ‘room’ was. The point was Setton didn’t want to find out what that reaction would be. 

So he said, “No idea, but we should probably leave.” He then strode to the Door, his footfalls making strange noises like ‘BAM,’ ‘MY LEG,’ and cats yowling to the soundtrack of Cats the Musical. 

Twilight looked around for a moment, and after seeing no other way out of the realm (or for that matter, much else at all) realized she had little else to do but join him. 

But the Legstep wasn't done yet. 

It threw itself onto the bookcase several times with sudden vigor, finally dislodging a weathered tome from the shelves where it had been practically cemented in place, then launched the aforementioned tome towards Setton. In a rare feat of skill, he caught the flying book one handedly. 

He blankly looked at the book before processing what had just happened. He looked over to the Legstep, which now was pushing him and Twilight through the Door. 

While Twilight just went back through with a raised brow, Setton tried to push past Bass, hoping to return the book to the shelf. Instead, this only made the Legstep push harder, forcing Setton out of the realm with ease. The Door then shut behind Bass, only to disappear without a trace. 

Setton simply stared at the empty space the Door once stood, at Bass, at the empty space once more, and finally back at Bass. The Legstep shook its head – er, torso? – and stalked up to Setton. Bass then lifted a leg, tapped the book in Setton’s hands, and after several seconds of this finally drew his attention to something sticking out of the pages. Curiously, Setton opened the book to discover a strangely familiar letter resting above the left page and an oddly foreboding chapter entitled ‘Committing Cosmic Regicide for Amateurs’ on the right.

Setton was looking more carefully at the writing on the letter and the paper it was written on when breath caught in his throat: it was the same kind as the other two papers from earlier, the ones that mysterious ‘Red Bard’ had left behind.

_Setton Stone, I know what you’re thinking right now, but don’t worry about returning this book to Discord. This was never his to begin with._

_The main thing you need to know is that it is vitally important that Lee gets this book, and that he holds onto it no matter what once he has it. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more than that, but I’m running out of time as it is._

_I can only add this: When you get the urge, don’t be afraid to sing. Just be afraid when it becomes a duet._

_Signed,_

_The Red Bard_

_P.S. Beware the Broken Scales with the cracked Crook and Flail. I know that’s a really cryptic phrase, but that’ll make sense in time. Trust me on that._  

Setton flipped through the ancient tome only to find he couldn't understand a majority of what was written in it. Half of the pages were written in some kind of scripts he had never seen before, and the other half had its letters shifting around as if the ink composing them was alive. One of the few pages he could comprehend was the page underneath the letter. 

What he saw on the page was a picture of an army of light staring down a legion of living shadows. Standing in the middle of what he assumed to be a battlefield was a cockroach with a white robe and a bearded man’s face. That in particular reminded Setton of Jesus, if Jesus was part cockroach, but he wasn’t sure what this ‘Cockroach Jesus’ would be doing with a keyboard in his insect hand. It seemed weirdly familiar, though, like he ought to know what it represented. 

He wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that the eyes in the picture seemed to be looking right at him. 

After a moment of consideration, he was prepared to dismiss it as being just a weird artifact collected by the god of chaos. But…something set him off about the Bard’s message. It seemed odd to ask him to give Lee this particular book when it was virtually unreadable…except for that chapter on ‘Cosmic Regicide.’ That one was unnervingly clear on the weaknesses of a specific race of beings, but Setton wasn’t going to read that now. That picture on the opposite page would give him chills on its own. 

Twilight was starting to get that look in her eyes again, the one Setton was certain would haunt him for days to come. The tension grew as they walked along the shelves, with Setton's discomfort paralleling Twilight's lust. A particular Door, however, abruptly changed this situation. When they went inside that one, they found themselves in a surprisingly mundane library. 

Looks like the one in my high school, Setton mused silently. He was about to start reminiscing when something caught his eye, something behind him. Turning abruptly, he saw something that (cliché as it sounds) made his heart skip a beat. 

The unicorn librarian had vanished from his sight, but there was a beautiful teenage girl behind him roughly his height, and looked only seventeen by his reckoning. She was wearing a periwinkle polo, a dark violet skirt that came halfway down her thighs, as well as a peculiar look on her face. Good God, this girl's adorable, Setton thought dazedly. I should probably talk to her. 

"…uh..." he articulated. 

Brilliant job, Shakespeare. 

The girl continued to look at him oddly before she started to walk towards him, but to their mutual surprise she ended up tripping on the carpet. 

Setton managed to catch her and they froze for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. He was entranced, but something in his mind raised a few red flags. 

His gaze was drawn to the ground behind the girl's head, and noticed a school's logo was emblazoned upon it. Well, it confirmed his theory of a high school library, but he knew that it was familiar. Looking around, he found it odd how deserted it looked, almost like a set without any actors. 

He glanced up at the clock ticking away on the wall. Most students would probably be in classes at the time it read, Setton realized, so they were probably alone. Nevertheless, that didn’t’ explain where Twilight went off – 

He nearly went into cardiac arrest when he realized the logo said "Canterlot High" in large lettering. 

Oh. 

Thus, he realized what happened to the unicorn. 

Twilight looked at him from his arms, but his anxiety shrank to what one generally feels in the contact of the other sex. He realized that he didn’t care about this revelation so much – to the contrary, he was actually starting to lose himself in the possibilities this presented to him. Setton leaned in, the girl in his arms drawing closer expectantly… 

…until at the last second he transitioned into a deep hug. Surprised - and quite disappointed - Twilight returned the gesture. 

"...Setton?" 

"Yes?" 

"Can you be honest with me?” 

“Sure.” 

“…do guys just…not want to be with me?” 

Startled, Setton drew back. "What?" 

"Every guy I've seen in the past few days keeps turning me away – even though it’s only been three, that’s still a lot considering nopony in Equestria’s seen a stallion in the last fifteen years,” she said, haltingly. “...I hoped that it was all just playing hard to get, but…now I’m not so sure." 

After a moment of silence, Twilight looked at him with tears forming in her eyes. “I’m right, aren’t I?” 

Setton grasped for words. He then paused. “Before I answer that, why did you say you’ve only seen three guys recently?” 

Twilight blinked. “Well, yes. I’ve only seen you, Lee, and Alfonz.” 

Setton frowned. “What about Silias, or…The Beast?” he added after a beat, barely suppressing a shudder. 

Twilight looked at him in confusion. “What about them?” 

“Aren’t they guys too?” Setton asked. 

“They are?” Twilight said. “That’s strange. I couldn’t tell that by their scents…” 

Setton could probably guess why The Beast’s scent would confuse her, considering he was an eldritch abomination with a decidedly hipster sense of style, but Silias? Why wouldn’t she recognize Silias as a guy? 

“As much as that’s going to an interesting line of investigation…” Twilight said, shaking her head slowly. “…the fact remains that every guy I’ve known about keeps turning me away. All of my friends were able to find stallions, and while they…aren’t around anymore, they still knew what it was like. Their beds were never cold until everypony else’s were. But me? No matter how I’ve asked, or signaled, or anything, I’ve never even been able to…” 

She shuddered, burying her head into Setton’s embrace. “…doesn’t…doesn’t anypony get it? I just want to be loved,” she whimpered, slowly soaking his shoulder. “I just want to be loved.” 

Except for the muffled sniffles, the library was silent. 

“Twilight?” Setton said after a few minutes of just holding her. 

“…yeah?” 

The boy gently lifted Twilight’s head so she was looking at him… 

…and he kissed her. 

 

* * *

  

Twilight clung tightly to Setton, almost viselike in her embrace. This made it a little difficult when Setton tried to get them back to the Peisistratos, since the girl refused to let him go. Eventually, they left the library of Canterlot High, but with Twilight still holding onto him when she transformed back into a mare Setton buckled under her weight like Hillary Clinton before corporate money. 

They quickly reached a consensus that she’d let go of him on the condition that he’d stay in her line of sight. There were no objections from Bass, who had gone off somewhere while they were in Canterlot High’s library. After twenty minutes without finding another Door, there was an awkward silence that descended upon the trio. 

Bass finally decided to break the silence, which was a miracle in itself in how he allowed it to go on for so long, by playing a familiar beat. Recognizing it after a few seconds of listening, Setton inexplicably found himself singing the lyrics. 

_“Now a rainbow's tale isn't quite as nice_

_As the story we knew of sugar and spice_

_But a rainbow's easy once you get to know it_

_With the help of the magic of a Pegasus Device.”_

Twilight looked at Setton strangely, as the latter found he was swaying to the beat. She began feeling a bit of magic in the air, a peculiar strain that made her pause and start scanning the area. 

_“Let's delve deeper into rainbow philosophy_

_Far beyond that of Cloudsdale's mythology_

_It's easy to misjudge that floating city_

_With it's alluring decor and social psychology_

_But with all great things comes a great responsibility_

_That of Cloudsdale's being weather stability_

_How, you ask, are they up to the task?_

_To which the answer is in a simple facility.”_

Setton’s voice resonated through the air as he sang with more and more volume, losing himself in the song. Twilight, for her part, noticed there was something off about the voice she was hearing. Not Setton’s, but…more feminine. Why was she hearing two voices? Was it Bass who was doing that?

Wait a minute…she KNEW that voice.

_“In the Rainbow Factory, where your fears and horrors come true_

_In the Rainbow Factory, where not a single soul gets through_

_In the Rainbow Factory, where your fears and horrors come true.”_

Setton danced in a smooth yet somehow jerky form through the instrumental, like a marionette along its strings. There was something terrifying to that dance, a sense of madness to that music even as it began grinding to a halt. Ready for the final verse, his voice permeated the space around them with an odd power behind it. 

_“In the Rainbow Factory, where your fears and horrors come true_

_In the Rainbow Factory, where not a single soul gets through_

_In the Rainbow Factory, where your fears and horrors come true_

_In the Rainbow Factory, where not a single soul gets through.”_

The music stopped entirely, and Setton was about to ask Bass where he learned that song when the Red Bard’s words came back to him. 

 _I can only add this: When you get the urge, don’t be afraid to sing. Just be afraid when it becomes a duet._  

The penny dropped. He hadn’t imagined that other voice, had he? 

Setton noticed that their surroundings had changed in the time had lost himself in the song. He looked around the metallic corridor and saw a pipe running along the ceiling labeled with a word, a single word that brought chills to Setton’s spine. 

“SPECTRA” 

Oh _shit_. 

Setton started looking around in a terrible sense of panic, thinking he was alone in this madhouse. He relaxed when he saw that, relatively speaking, Twilight and Bass hadn’t moved. He was comforted immensely by the fact of their presence, but t the same time was absolutely horrified that they had been dragged there too. 

Don’t panic, he thought desperately. Just stay calm, and try to figure out what happened. You were walking along, there were no Doors in sight, and Bass suddenly broke into a rendition of Rainbow Factory. You sing along, do a little dance, and friggity bobbity boo, you end up in the actual factory. Unless I’m missing something, one of those actions led here. 

A strange feeling came over Setton’s back, but it wasn’t apprehension. It was actually the scuttling of a small ivory arachnid, on its way up his spine to poke from his jacket’s collar. It looked at its surroundings disinterestedly, and proceeded to fall asleep on Setton’s shoulder. 

…how long has Biblio been in my jacket? he wondered dazedly. And why does my back feel strange? He paused, regarding the bone spider and his change in location. It seemed strange, but was there a connection between his presence and their arrival? 

Screaming interrupted his train of thought. 

“What was that?” 

He had a sneaking suspicion what it was, but wanted to make absolutely sure. He tore down the hall towards the source and saw a large double door. Slowing down, he quietly inched it open. It opened up into a large room with a strange device that drew his attention. He was just in time to witness the screamer, a small pegasus – or what was left of one – dropping into its aperture. He watched in horror as it ate him alive, leaving its hoof sticking out in a feeble attempt to be free as it was swallowed. 

Setton barely registered Twilight poking her head into the opening below him as he stood in shocked silence. He did make note of a Door above the small crowd slamming shut, but no one else paid it any mind, favoring to watch the grisly machine producing Spectra by the filly-load. His vision turned red as he watched one pegasus laugh her ass off at the sight. He briefly wondered whether it was the reactions of the fillies on the gangplank or the actual act of feeding the filly to the machine that did it. 

Twilight, though she dared not speak for several reasons, thought that laugh was really familiar. 

He saw an orange filly collapse in shock, and a yellow/green filly trying to get her to her hooves. Suited pegasi moved in with wicked looking devices, advancing on the terrified fillies slowly and deliberately. Setton’s horror was replaced with rage, and he reached into his backpack. His fingers grasped for two things, which he had just decided to put to very good use. A wrench appeared as he drew his hand out, as well as a cloak that Twilight recognized from earlier. The former he had swiped from Lee’s toolbox before they left his apartment – you never know what you might need a wrench for – and the latter was about to come in very handy. 

“Don’t follow me,” he managed to say, before drawing the cloak over him and disappeared. A half second later, the door inched out ever so lightly as the furious man made his way into the room. 

Twilight, standing stock still in shock, simply watched as the pegasus foals suddenly took to the air, diving straight towards their aggressors. In the confusion, one could miss several pegasi being knocked down by a blur of metal from empty air. Two fillies went up to the scaffolding above, and went to work on a sealed door nearby. A cry of utter fury rang out, but Twilight was startled to realize that it was a female voice from the other end of the room. Her eyes looked over to see violet eyes projecting her unbridled rage from under a familiar, multicolored mane. Merciful Celestia, she recognized that mare. 

What in the unholy realm of Tartarus is _Rainbow Dash_  doing here? 

However, she was not given proper time to process this, as the other fillies landed on the scaffolding, in an attempt to keep their assailants at bay while another two fillies worked frantically on the door. She felt there was something familiar about the orange pegasus, like remembering a far-off dream, but she couldn’t recall the name. 

She was about to charge in herself when Bass pushed past. Oddly enough, it seemed to have been waiting for something. It didn’t flinch when a furious suited pegasus saw it and lunged with its taser, but Twilight watched in horror as the Legstep abruptly caught fire. 

The suited pegasus finally seemed to register that this wasn’t an escaping foal when he lifted his goggles, staring dumbstruck at the flaming thing in front of him. He was promptly knocked back by a fireball to the chest, since pyromancy was yet another thing Bass could do _for some reason_. The pegasus tumbled to the floor like a ragdoll, still alive thanks to the protection of his uniform. 

Twilight stared at Bass, who was nodding at her with a tranquil air completely out of synch with the fact that he was still on FIRE. Bass then charged deeper into the room, tossing fireballs from his speakers and unleashing merry hell on the pegasi inside. 

She thought of charging in once more, spells blazing and all, but after considering the number of pegasi she realized that would be a horrible plan. This may have had something to do with how she just witnessed one take a fireball the size of a hoofball at point-blank range (to the head, no less) and only black out from the impact. 

She considered bluffing her way into stopping this madness – she WAS Celestia’s personal student after all, and she could easily claim she’d tell the Princess all about what she had seen. The issue with that plan, sadly, was that she had absolutely no idea what kind of state Equestria had to be in to let this injustice stand. A part of her was terrified to find out, actually. 

Hearing a loud bang, her head snapped to look at the scene on the scaffolding, watching in shock as the invisibility cloak was knocked from Setton’s frame, exposing him to the angry pegasi. He charged them in an attempt to protect the fillies, but without the cloak he was just a man with a wrench. Rainbow Dash took him down personally, launching him directly into the Spectra machine. He punched through the piping at its bottom as if it was made of tissue paper. 

She turned her attention to the cornered foals in paralyzed horror as Rainbow began reducing children to mere stains on her coat, plowing through them in a display of unfettered bloodlust. 

 

* * *

 

Inside the piping of the machine, Setton was drifting in what he now knew was the liquid remains of countless pegasi. Pain radiated from a number of excruciating injuries as he struggled to hold his breath. Flail chest, failing lungs, a broken arm, and an outright shredded back, his nerve clusters informed him, keeping him painfully updated at his body’s grim condition. 

A motion in the colorful fluid drew his eye. He registered Biblio easily in the Spectra, as he was the closest thing to white that he could see. It seemed to be looking over his body with interest, and it skittered over to him. He wondered how the bone spider could pull this off in the magical fluid, but this quickly gave way to figuring out what the eldritch arachnid was doing. It seemed to be darting around him at impossible speeds, leaving a trail of brilliant colors that made the Spectra look monochrome in comparison. 

He briefly tried to panic when he realized his limbs were drawing tighter and tighter to him as Biblio worked. He’s wrapping me in some kind of cocoon, he realized. As it encompassed his hapless figure, he also realized that he was now able to breathe. The eldritch webbings briefly parted to allow Biblio access. Flitting about his protected form, it went to work on his body properly. The spider dove into the gash his ribs had made, and stirred around inside of him, repairing his battered organs and stitching bones and muscles back into place. 

Setton could feel every second of it, and it hurt. Something stopped him from crying out (the process felt almost like a night terror, upon reflection), and when he looked down, he saw Biblio emerging from the wound and stitching it up neatly as the bone spider exited. 

The pain went away immediately as a new feeling flowed through him. Finished with its task, Biblio opened the cocoon, weaving a ladder back from the hole to the scaffolding outside before settling into Setton’s coat once more. 

Setton came from the cocoon feeling incredibly well-rested, light, and much more whole than he had entered. He failed to notice the level of Spectra draining drastically as he exited the machine. 

Climbing the webbing with unnatural speed, he leaped over the railing to land squarely on the scaffold. Several pegasi looked at the human in shock, trying to process what they were seeing. To them, a monster formed of Spectra was approaching them, vengeance in its eyes as it stalked forwards, dripping kaleidoscopic fluid wherever it walked. The smart ones got the hell out of there immediately. 

Bass, meanwhile, had stood stock still during this entire tableau, caring even less about the fire as its attention was solely on the man above. It began to play some kind of oddly fitting music, speakers turned directly towards Setton as the flames on the Legstep grew higher and higher. Some of the pegasi guards tried to stop Bass from setting anything else on fire, but if anything that seemed to make Bass throw more and more fireballs. 

They did notice, oddly enough, that the fireballs were being launched in rhythm with the song even as Bass targeted the pegasi fighting him. 

On the monstrous form above, the fluid began to writhe, solidify, and take shape, flowing into scything growths that kept erupting from the liquid skin. The Spectra encapsulating Setton stalked forwards, long-dead faces reflecting ominously in the blades it spawned. Seeing this coupled with the inferno impossibly leaping up the metal walls around them, the guards who hadn’t deserted by now were deserting, flipping the fuck out, doing both of the above, or standing their ground in an impressive display of bravery. 

In turn, their cries had rang out somewhere along the lines of: “Help!” “What the fuck is that thing?!” “Demon! We’re all gonna die!” and “Get all security personnel to the Spectra harvester, NOW!” 

Some of the ones brave enough to face this horror were casually swiped them from the air, leaving the lucky ones dazed as they crashed into the scaffolding. The unlucky ones were sent to the floor below, a sickening crunch announcing several bones breaking on the impact. 

The thing launched itself upwards into a shaft in the ceiling and began clawing up the inner wall to emerge in a corridor; one that looked much like the one Setton had arrived into. Speaking of the boy, he regained enough awareness of what he was doing in time to see Scootaloo barreling down the corridor towards him. 

“This way!” 

The filly’s eyes widened when she noticed the human poking his head out of the shaft. The Spectra had receded from his face by this point, having sloughed down his form as Setton’s thoughts fell out of synch. 

Behind her, Rainbow Dash kept obliterating everything between her and her intended target. 

Without slowing down, the filly took a leap of faith and shot into the shaft. Setton pressed himself to the side of the shaft to let her pass, the scything Spectra having anchored him to the wall like a spider. Unfortunately, they had torn through the shaft, their impossible sharpness slowly lowering him down as the metal tore. 

Setton paused, and took the time to count the appendages. There were exactly eight of them on his back. The hell? What did Biblio do to him in that machine, turn him into Man-Spider? 

Back up in the corridor, Rainbow Dash had got to the vent and began gazing down the shaft with enraged, bloodshot eyes. Suddenly, the anger in her face vanished, only to be replaced by a cruel smirk. She started laughing like the madmare she had become, her chilling cackle echoing down the vent. 

“You never did have a good sense of direction, Scootaloo!” she crowed. Then Rainbow stopped laughing as she recognized Setton’s descending form. “How are _you_ still alive?!” she screeched. 

The man tore his gaze downwards to glance back at the hole in the machine, and then back to her. “I haven’t the slightest idea,” he said in full honesty. “I’m probably going to be asking myself that for a long time, actually.” 

Setton abruptly ran out of ruined shaft, tumbling and flailing through the empty air. As he fell, he saw the Door enter his field of vision, giving him a crazy idea. He reached out for the handle with his hands, not daring to see what would happen if he tried the scything ‘legs’ on his back, and did his best to brace for the inevitable jolt. 

The impact nearly tore his arm from its socket, but the Door opened to show the Peisistratos on the other side. 

Scootaloo looked at the Door with wide eyes, wondering where in Tartarus it had came from. “Where in Tartarus did that come from? Where does that even lead?” 

Setton grunted in effort to keep hold of the physics-defying, old oak Door. “Out,” he managed. “Outoutoutoutoutoutoutoutoutoutoutoutout.”

The filly realized the triple meaning of Setton’s frantic straining, and flew through the Door as if the devil was at her tail. Considering that Rainbow was headed down the shaft and the number of guards in the room had skyrocketed, it was a reasonable reaction. 

Setton looked around him before letting go from the Door, dropping down to the catwalk below. His arm really didn’t give him much of a choice in the matter, nor did the dive-bombing form of a really pissed off Rainbow Dash about to plow into him. 

Bass responded to the situation by cranking up the volume on that oddly appropriate song he had been playing. Setton felt himself being compelled to move as the Spectra surged around him, but this time it massed around his head in the vague form of an open-faced helm. Allowing his body to follow the music, Setton found the Spectral appendages lance out at the nearest pegasus. Blood flew as it ripped through the unfortunate pegasus’s shoulder, sending it to the ground in a dizzying tailspin. 

His cohorts shifted their expressions from violent and stony to piss-less terror as the massive spider danced through air, Spectra, and blood. Rainbow Dash had actually paused at the sight, processing what she was seeing while her guards cried out in agony. She didn’t pause for long, though… 

Setton landed nimbly on the catwalk, noting the wide berth the guards were giving him now. He thought about how he was going to get himself, Twilight, and Bass to the Door when he was tackled from the side. Using their momentum, Setton managed to launch the furious form of Rainbow Dash further down the catwalk. The mare wordlessly screamed a challenge to Setton, the former of which was still in a blood rage but a bit more wary than before. The music surged once more from Bass’ speakers as Spectra from the Harvester’s bowels was drawn up and over to Setton. After for a brief second the Spectra reformed itself around the boy’s form, entirely covering Setton’s face again before it decided to grow a maw of its own and **scream**. 

The other pegasi – the reinforcements who had had the sense to hang back – shot down the nearest open corridors in an understandably undignified manner. They didn’t have the compulsion to sacrifice their lives for the sake of innocent foals, so they sure as hell weren’t giving them up to whatever the fuck this horror was. 

“Stupid, fucking, cowards!” Rainbow Dash yelled after them. 

This did absolutely nothing to change their minds on the matter, leaving her, Setton, Bass, the wounded, the dead, a few crackling flames and several seconds of pregnant silence alone in the room. 

Dash turned to Setton, silently weighing the option of trying to kill him over going after Scootaloo. After a moment of reassessing the situation, she retained enough sanity to decide upon the latter path, flying off into the open Door. She had no time to indulge this bullshit while her true prey got away. 

Setton, while he had been filled with such fury moments ago, suddenly felt it dripping away from him to leave his head bare once more. The Spectral armor he was ensconced in began to marble in pure yellow and verdant green, pulsing balefully as he knelt down to cradle a lifeless filly in his arms. At least, he cradled the most intact corpse he could find. More than a few pegasi foals had been scattered across the catwalk and the floor below, a mass of blood and bone that was more heartbreaking than horrifying to look at. These had been someone’s babies, and they had left that mortal coil with barely enough intact remains to scoop into a bucket, let alone a casket. 

Even with an intact body, Setton realized, finding enough records of these children to deliver them back to their families would be a nightmare. Horridly timed pun aside, Setton took a moment to wallow in this emotional tide, mourning for those slaughtered in this place and even for those he had just struck down himself. He was so wrapped up in this state of grief that he failed to note the irony of the Spectra dripping off of him. 

After what felt like hours, he found himself drawing away from the dead filly’s form, laying her down gently as he looked around him. He went over to each of the guards he had fought, and found to his surprise – and horror – that not one of them was dead. Was it a relief to see that he hadn’t murdered them in what was essentially a berserker state? Sure. Were their agonized states any comfort to him? Hell no. 

Outside of the rush of…whatever just happened, because Setton didn’t really understand much of what transpired, he finally became aware of a strange feeling in his chest. It was not quite painful, but some vague instinct told him it should be excruciatingly so. He looked down as the Spectra parted from the center of his ribcage, and he nearly fainted from the sight. 

Biblio’s legs were sunk halfway into his flesh, spaced evenly between his ribs, and were moving in place with complex but ultimately minute movements. Setton, on a whim, looked behind him. He paid close attention to Biblio as he saw the fluid, scything appendage move in tandem with the bone spider’s leg. 

The boy blinked, and his heart began to race alongside his thoughts as the implications revealed themselves to him. 

As if noticing his discomfort with the realization that an eldritch spider was knee-deep in his chest, effectively using the connection to puppeteer him into a flat out rampage in the Harvesting Chamber, Biblio calmly removed his legs from inside Setton. The Spectra vanished immediately, flowing back into the boy’s body like water through a sieve. 

This draining had incorporated several meanings of the word, and Setton’s body abruptly went from feeling graceful and light to feeling as though they were made of lead. Looking towards the door below him, he used his waning strength to call out drunkenly to the unicorn he had dragged into this mess. “A liddle help’d be ‘preciated, Twily, if ye’d kind-le come’mon up here…thank ye…” 

And with that, he slumped over, unconscious.


	7. The Pegasus Predicament

Back in the Peisistratos, the sound of heavy swearing proclaimed the arrival of a very pissed off pegasus. She was covered head to hoof in blood, making her actual colors practically impossible for another person to discern without taking a hose to her. Seeing as this was a library, that route of investigation was impossible for several reasons. Even an eldritch, practically infinite library has its limits. 

For the pegasus’ part, her eyes began widening in surprise as she took in her surroundings and she began hovering, uncertainty flashing over her muzzle. “What the flock…” 

The spell was broken the second her gaze passed over the first pegasus who had came through the Door. The new pegasus’ face twisted in utter fury, snarled viciously, and shot towards the other pegasus. The orange coated, lavender maned filly had wisely bolted the second the blood-soaked pony’s eyes met hers, and was attempting to lose her elder by weaving in between the various bookshelves. 

Rainbow Dash, staring after them, asked a deceptively simple question. “Who was that chasing Scootaloo?” 

“ **Someone whose voice is quite similar to yours,** ” The Beast said, also following their progress with his faceless visage. “ **Tell me, do you have any sisters?** ” 

Rainbow Dash’s gaze flicked over to the Fear. “No, but someone looks up to me like one.” 

After a moment of watching the frenzied (but ultimately repetitive) chase, The Beast went over to Lee. “ **Silvertongue, do you have any idea as to what is going on here?** ” he asked in low, rumbling tones. 

Lee snapped to attention. “Erm, let’s see…” He racked his brain, trying to remember the events of Rainbow Factory. “There was the Spectra harvesting scene we witnessed,” shuddering at the memory, “…if what happened next kept close to the events of the story, there was an uprising among the enslaved pegasus fillies…” 

He failed to notice Rainbow Dash paying attention, as he continued unabated. 

“Then Scootaloo and – I’m pretty sure the other one was named Aurora Dawn – try to escape the facility through the hallways, only for Aurora to pull a Gandalf while Scootaloo escapes.” Lee paused. “Oh, that means she held the exit at the expense of her life, in case you didn’t get the reference.” 

“ **I have read the Lord of the Rings, Silvertongue,** ” The Beast said, noting Rainbow Dash’s staring. “ **Please continue.** ” 

There was an almost polite knocking coming from the nearby Door. “Anyway, that story’s Rainbow Dash, who is revealed to be a Class S psychopath as well as the manager of the Rainbow Factory, chases Scootaloo through the hallways with the single thought of bumping her off occupying her mind.” Lee continued, walking over to answer the Door. “Hang on,” Lee said, opening the Door for a pegasus with a taser in his hoof, who in turn lunged forwards with his weapon – 

“…that was AFTER she brutally slaughtered the fillies who formed a living barrier between the goons and Scoots, and had tossed Aurora into the Spectra machine – thus killing her – and coating her and her suit with blood in the process.” Lee said, slamming the Door in the guard’s face without pausing or changing his tone. 

On the other side of the Door, the guard let out a drunken cackle before falling onto another fallen guard, who grunted once in his own painful response. 

Back in the Peisistratos, Silias noticed the Rainbow Dash on the ground had begun trembling. “Uh, Lee?” 

Lee obliviously continued his retelling. “Anyway, she chases the filly through the halls until she reaches a chute in the wall, which Scootaloo follows and ends up back where she started. The original story would have Scootaloo surrounded and stunned by the guards, before Manager Dash (I’ll just refer to her as that for continuity purposes) prepares to send her into the machine, and the story ends on Scootaloo’s final words: 

“‘You have beautiful eyes.’” 

An angry tear fell to the floor. Silias could have sworn he heard something shattering. 

Lee looked up to consider the rapidly appearing and disappearing forms of the pegasi above him, ignorant of the emotional turmoil he had just sown. “At least, that’s how the timeline progressed in the original story’s universe. In this instance, it appears that sometime during the chase sequence they managed to find the Door that led from their universe to here, and are currently stuck in an aerial pursuit.” 

The Beast mulled over this information. “ **So we cut the casualties to a minimum by stopping them.** ” He looked towards the rapidly shrinking forms of the pegasi and managed to frown. “ **I think the first step should be to send them back our way.** ” 

“What are you…” Lee muttered as he peered off to the distance. While the area they were in was still brightly lit, there was an abrupt shift to utter darkness a fair but clearly visible distance away. “Oh, right. I nearly forgot your presence did that.” 

“So to be clear, the one chasing Scootaloo is an evil Rainbow Dash,” Rainbow asked in a deceptively calm voice. 

Lee was still tracking the aerial chase, now headed towards them. “That’s the gist of it.” 

“Then I’m going to personally rip off her cutie mark and feed it to her.” 

Lee’s eyes widened for four reasons. The first was because he registered Rainbow Dash as the one who had just spoke. The second was because of what she just said. The third was because lightning was violently arcing between her wings like they were feathery Tesla coils. The fourth reason came on the heels of the third as Lee recognized the very real possibility of being struck by one of those bolts by accident. The fifth? 

“Rainbow Dash!” 

Dash whipped her head around just in time to see Scootaloo barreling towards her. The lightning that had begun crackling between Rainbow’s wings fizzled out into sparks seconds before Scootaloo plowed into her in a tackle-hug. “Thank Celestia you’re here,” the filly cried into the blue coat, darkening with tears. She drew her head up to look at Rainbow in the eyes. “There’s a Changeling or-or something in a disguise, and it…it…” 

Scootaloo sank her face into Rainbow’s chest, sobs of terror, horror, and relief flowing freely. “I just knew it wasn’t you doing those things. I knew you’d never hate me that much.” 

Rainbow Dash simply stared down at the filly in her embrace. 

Stunned silence. 

“Scoots,” Rainbow finally managed. “What happened to the…thing that was chasing you?” 

“She’s fast, but her cornering is terrible,” Scootaloo said, sniffling a bit. “She went into this weird wall of darkness and I…I think I lost her.” 

“You didn’t.” 

Rainbow slowly lifted her head to regard the manager, who was hovering seven feet above the ground and covered in dried blood. 

“I don’t know who you think you are,” Manager Dash snarled, “but that failure’s mine. Hand it over.” 

Silias reached into his coat slowly, his hands slowly grasping the pair of pistols he carried on him at all times. He started to draw them out, but The Beast simply shook his head. 

Silias ever so gingerly put the guns back in the coat. 

Without taking her eyes off of Manager Dash, Rainbow gestured for Scootaloo to get up. The filly ducked behind a nearby bookcase, which would prove a very wise course of action. “She’s not a failure you pelican-brained nag!” Rainbow shouted at Manager Dash, her wings sparking once more. “And you’re not going to touch so much as a feather on her, or so help me I’m going to make you eat your primaries.” 

“Oh yeah? Then come up and make me, whore!” Manager Dash snarled. 

Rainbow launched herself into the air and towards Manager Dash, screaming in unbridled fury. 

On the sidelines of the epic battle that followed, Lee had pulled out his paperback copy of Changes and had opened it to a section near the back of the book. He was attempting to use another of Dresden’s spells to resolve the situation, but the ridiculous amount of wind generated by the fight was threatening to tear the book apart in his hands. The Silvertongue closed the book, wondering what the hell he was going to do. 

Rainbow Dash and her counterpart were really going at it, punching hard enough to crack stone, kicking with the speed of a hundred Shaolin monks, biting with the ferocity of wolves, and throwing lightning like a hung-over Zeus at his thrice-damned alarm clock. 

An idea struck him, unlike the stray lightning that scorched the spines of some nearby books. He pulled out one of the leather gloves he had packed – the right one – and dug an etching tool out of his things. Making sure he had a good grip on Changes, which was currently under his arm as he worked, Lee placed the glove on his hand and carved a single word onto the back of the glove. Inspecting his handiwork, Lee had a good feeling it would work the way he intended it to. 

Aiming his gloved right hand like a cannon at the battling mares, Lee began the nerve-wracking process of waiting until he had a clear shot…which Rainbow gladly provided by kicking Manager Dash in the face, sending the latter spinning away for a precious few seconds. 

“Arctis!” 

Manager Dash whipped her head towards Lee, her eyes suddenly widening in surprise. Before she could get out of the way, ice began consuming her body and paralyzing her limbs. She managed to let out a single, terrifying (or perhaps it was just terrified) scream before the frigid, crystalline coffin enveloped her entirely. 

Well, almost entirely. Her nose was the only part that was exposed to the air, allowing the mare to breathe. 

Rainbow looked over at Lee, who was doing his best to stay upright. “Hey, are you feeling okay?” she asked, frowning. 

Lee winced. “I’m…really out of practice,” he said, trembling slightly. “I should take it easy for a few to get my stamina back.” Lee put his back to the bookcase after lowering himself to a sitting position on the floor. Reaching over his shoulder for his backpack, he paused. He had his toolbox strapped there, which meant Setton still had their supplies. Mentally kicking himself, he shifted his hand to rub the back of his neck. 

The Beast stared intently at the Silvertongue, quietly filing this information away for later. **_It seems his abilities do have limits. Or at least, this is it when he hasn’t used any of his power for a while. Assuming he is not actually a Fear, his accomplishments over the past few hours are astonishing. First he brings a ‘fictional’ entity into his world from another universe, then he created living instruments with that same power. He has also unleashed a blast of raw force strong enough to fling a creature cross a room, outran a quadruped in territory familiar to her while carrying another on his back, and now he has encased a living creature in a prison of ice several feet in diameter._**

 ** _If this is his power when he is ‘really out of practice,’ what can he manage at his full potential?_**  

Lee stared back at The Beast, getting a little unnerved by the intensity of his gaze. _Is he…inner monologing about me? I wonder if this is going to end up like that episode of Yu-Gi-Oh abridged, and we’re going to end up inner monologing together in a surreal example of meta humor._

**_What do you mean by that?_ **

_Oh, we’re going to end up just staring into space not doing anything but thinking to ourselves while everyone else is wondering what the hell we’re doing. It’s kind of the same as regular inner monologuing, actually._

**_I understand what you’re saying, and that is not so – oh._ **

_Are we actually -?_

**_It would appear so._ **

_Huh. So…while we have this thing going on, what brought you here, anyway? I haven’t been able to take my mind off that hole in the plot for a while now._

There was a mental image of a blushing purple – sorry, _lavender_  – unicorn in response to that double entendre. 

**_What the fuck?_ **

_Was that you?_

**_Of course it was not me. Was that you?_ **

_No. Wait, is that Twilight?_

_Um…hi?_

**_Ah, now I remember you. You are the unicorn, correct? How did you get in our shared inner monlogue?_ **

_I-I’m like Superman – I know when I’m needed?_

_…okay, first off, are you seriously making a reference to Red Vs Blue? Second, aren’t you supposed to be with Setton? Last, but far from least, how long have you been there?_

_Well, I haven’t been listening to you two for very long…_

_…okay, now how do you know about Superman? Or Red Vs Blue. Either one._

**_She jumps into an inner monologing session that we are sharing, and you want to know how she knows about Superman?_ **

_Don’t question my priorities! Wait, how do YOU know about Superman?_

**_I read._**  

_…point granted, but that still doesn’t explain–_

_Okay, okay! I…might be wandering around Setton’s mind a little while making sure he is okay._

_…come again?_  

_Well, I saw some mental representations of memories pertaining to human culture and I couldn’t resist taking a liiiittle peek at this box of reels labeled ‘Favorite Video Series’–_

_Twilight. What the hell happened to Setton?_

_As far as I know, he’s fine! Nothing to worry about here. Nope, not at all. I’m just delving into his mindscape to rule out the possibility of a very mild case of serious brain damage, and it’s a bit of a long story why I’m doing it, but I need to ask you two something. Now, I know this might sound weird, but did a homicidal version of Rainbow Dash make it through on your end? I never thought I’d have to ask that question, but here I am._

_Yeah, actually. I just encased her in ice a few moments ago using magic._

_Is she…?_

_Dead? No, she can still breathe._

_Oh, that’s good._

**_Speaking of that pegasus, where did she go?_ **

_What do you mean, she’s right ~_  

Lee turned to look at where he had left the psychotic pegasus, and he froze. No, not literally like Manager Dash had, but in the metaphorical sense. That would be ridiculous and convince Silias to start making terrible ice puns, and no one wants that. But back to the actual story… 

“Silias – what happened to Manager Dash?” 

Scootaloo turned around at the same time Rainbow did. Sure enough, there was a conspicuously empty space where the Dashcicle had been, with only a chilly section of floor to prove she was even there. Well, that and my narration of it being a thing that was real, but that doesn’t count to them and their perceptions of reality. 

“Someone from her story – or universe, I suppose – came through looking for her.” Silias produced a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “She also left a note for you.” 

Lee took the paper cautiously. “She did?” 

“Her exact words were to give it to ‘the cute patootie after he finishes sharing an inner monologue with the faceless guy.’” Silias shrugged. “She even pointed at you to make sure I knew who she was talking about.” 

Lee raised an eyebrow at this, but unfolded the note. In addition to few bloodstains, it was covered in glitter and doodles of hearts, confetti, balloons, a smiling pony with poofy hair, and heart shaped balloons. 

Anatomically correct heart shaped balloons. 

_Hi there, cutie! Before you get all nervous for the wrong reasons, I’m not mad about anything you did. It was really super exciting, and I’d LOVE to throw you a special surprise. I won’t say what it is – that wouldn’t make it a surprise any more, silly! – but I reeeeeeeeally hope you haven’t eaten for a few hours. I’ll be waiting for you at Sugarcube Corner!_

_Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention this in this note! You DID say you’d help me make cupcakes when I wasn’t baking with my friends. Well, I’m not baking with my friends tonight. After all, this Rainbow Dash isn’t my friend, is she? Nope, nope, nope – and that means she’s fair game, right? RIGHT?_  

 _Hee hee, I can’t wait! See you soon!_  

 _Love,_  

_Pinkie Pie_

_P.S. I saw you eating that cupcake earlier, and I get why you threw half of it away. I bet it was because I made it from the last of the foal haunch I had on hoof, and that batch was getting stale. Well don’t worry your fluffy little head – tonight’s batch will be extra fresh!!!_  

 _P.P.S. Would it still count if you became my friend while I was baking with you?_  

Lee put down the note, blinking several times. This was… 

Well, it was one of the weirdest things he had ever read. A part of him was terrified by its contents and its implications, while another part was excited about this turn of events. In the totally platonic, ‘oh how the plot thickens’ kind of rush he got whenever a twist came up in a narrative. 

Thanks to the curious mix of emotions and the associated chemical reactions in his body it had inspired, that simple note had done wonders for getting him up and moving again. 

“…did she look like a pegasus?” Lee asked after a beat of silence. 

Silias shifted a bit. “She had wings, yeah.” 

“…and did they match her coat’s color?” 

Awkward silence. “They did not.” 

Lee facepalmed. “Holy _motherfuck_. How didn’t that set off any alarm bells?” 

Silias raised his arms defensively. “Hey, I’m not that familiar with how pony wings are supposed to work. How the hell was I supposed to know whether she was legit or not?” 

“That’s a fair point,” Lee sighed. “Well, things just got a whole lot more complicated.” 

The Beast regarded him curiously. “ **What do you intend to do?** ” 

Lee crossed his arms. “Well, I’m going into what’s most likely a trap, set by someone I’m fairly certain has experience killing people she lures inside. While I’m there, I’m going to save Manager D–” Lee cut himself off, coughing abruptly. “The Factory’s Manager,” he corrected, “from dying a horrible death at the trap-setter’s hooves.” 

Scootaloo’s eyes practically popped out of her skull. “Are you insane?! She’s a murderous, cold-blooded –” 

“Living. Being,” Lee said, tone colder than the ice he had conjured earlier. “And she doesn’t deserve to die that way.” 

Rainbow snatched the note from Lee, eyes narrowed as she went over its contents. Her expression became unreadable, apart from a dangerous, determined look in her eye. 

“Be that as it may…” Silias said as he took the note from Rainbow’s hooves. If she were allowed to stare at it any more intensely, Silias wouldn’t have been surprised if the note caught fire. “It doesn’t say anything about you having to come alone, Lee, so I’m not letting you go alone.” 

“ **Of course he won’t,** ” The Beast said, laying a hand on Lee’s shoulder. “ **I shall come with you.** ” 

“Count me in, too,” Rainbow said. “She doesn’t deserve to die like that.” 

Scootaloo stared at Rainbow Dash, jaw dropping in utter shock. 

“Let’s get one thing straight,” Rainbow said as she looked up at Lee. “I’m going to help you save her, but only because I call dibs on making her life a living Tartarus before I send her there myself on a silver flocking platter.” Rainbow paused for a second. “Except the platter would also have a lot of painful things on it…and it’s all on fire. The point is, I’m no biology expert, but I’m pretty sure that can’t happen if she’s already dead.” 

Scootaloo closed her jaw. Morbid promises aside, that made a lot more sense. 

Silias glanced at Rainbow. “Okay, I get you’ve got an axe to grind –” 

“Maybe on her vertebrae,” Rainbow cut in, as she mimed swinging an axe. “As, you know, it imbeds itself in her stupid spine or something.” 

“– and I get that as a valid reason for wanting to go.” Silias continued without missing a beat. He then glared at The Beast. “But why you? You’ve done things that make her look like a saint.” 

Both pegasi present looked at The Beast. 

“ **That is probably true,** ” The Beast admitted. 

Silias’ scowl lightened a bit. “Even if we decide to hand-wave that, your presence causes visibility to become nonexistent outside of the ‘eye of the storm’ that spans several meters around you. How the hell would that help in this situation?” 

“ **Barring the obvious use it would have in covering a hasty retreat,** ” The Beast said as he cocked his head to one side. “ **You do realize that I can turn that off, right? In fact, since we started looking in the Doors, I made sure that it was ‘normal’ by most mortal standards.** ” 

Scootaloo blinked. “Wait, so you were behind that wall of darkness?” 

The Beast nodded. “ **Of course I was.** ” 

“Why?” 

“ **You would have probably kept flying away into the Peisistratos. Considering the practically limitless expanse of this library, and the way you both were expending your energy, you might have starved to death if you managed to stray too far on your own.** ” 

Scootaloo looked around for a moment. “…okay, with that really creepy fact aside, I bet Twilight would have a field day with this place.” 

“Once she finally accepts this place’s actual size, I wouldn’t be surprised if she demanded to have a summer home here made entirely of books,” Lee said, smirking. “Especially considering how most of the ones here are the direct product of a staggering number of otherworldly cultures.” 

Rainbow laughed at that. “Oh, that _so_  sounds like something Twilight would do.” 

Scootaloo laughed along before she paid closer attention to what Lee had said. “Hang on. You’re saying that Twilight’s here?” 

Lee waved his hand in a so-so manner. “Basically speaking, she is and isn’t close by. I’m pretty sure she’s behind the Door you took to get in here.” 

Scootaloo looked at the Door in question. “What’s up with that, anyway? Is this place a part of the weather factory, or is the factory a part of _this_  place, or –” 

Lee, as much as he wanted to explain, had to cut her off. “I could tell you, but I think we shouldn’t keep P-the kidnapper waiting.” 

The Beast nodded. “ **Quite right. I will be right behind you.** ” 

“Seriously though,” Silias said, setting his jaw in frustration. “Me and Lee made it through five months of the freaking Rapture together, or Pre-Rapture if you wanted to get specific. That means – and this is just the highlights reel – we survived fighting a shit-ton of assorted monstrosities out for our blood, the destruction brought down by the Fears flipping out, and seven trips through _Dogscape_. If anyone should go with him, it’s me.” 

Lee shook his head. “Silias, you know that most of those things were feral, mindless creatures looking for a meal. This is going against a slightly feral, _intelligent_ creature looking for a meal. I’d rather have him by my side than you for this one – for one, he’s much harder to kill. Second, he and Dash volunteered before you did.” 

Lee crossed his arms. “Then there’s reason number three: you’re already underestimating her far too much. You remember what happened when you underestimated spidercats.” 

Silias shivered. “Don’t remind me.” 

Rainbow looked Scootaloo right in the eyes. “You’re staying here too, Scoots,” she stated. 

Scootaloo looked over at Silias, then back at Rainbow. “Why can’t I go with you? I can help!” 

“You just got done with a high-speed aerial chase,” Lee cut in. “I don’t know much about pegasi, but I’m pretty sure the chase you were just in left you feeling tired and sore. No offense, but you’d be more of a liability in your condition.” 

Rainbow gestured to Lee with a hoof. “What he said, and there’s no way I’m going to let you get hurt. Especially when we’re trying to save the mange-brained jerk who tried to kill you.” She then looked up at Silias. “That’s why I’m counting on you to stay with her.” 

Scootaloo looked back at Silias. “But why him?” 

Lee decided to just come out and say it. “Silias is currently standing in the middle of his freaking domain, with a swarm of bone spiders at his beck and call.” He looked at Silias. “You and I both know you’re virtually untouchable here, which means that Scootaloo would be safest here under your protection out of anyone available.” 

Silias stared at Lee for a moment, while everyone else was staring at Silias. He then started laughing. “You really haven’t changed, have you? I admit, I’ve missed this side of you.” 

Shaking his head, he turned to The Beast. “Can you make sure he doesn’t get himself killed?” 

The Fear nodded briefly, and Rainbow crossed her forelegs as she hovered in the air. “The fastest flier in Equestria’s watching their backs. Both of these guys are in good hooves.” 

Silias sighed. “Alright. Just be careful.” He watched as they went over to the Door and went through before he looked over at Scootaloo. “Well kid, since you’re staying here with me...” Silias gestured to the forms of Setton and Twilight on the catwalk below. “…want to help me hoist those two up here?” 

Scootaloo looked down. “Oh, sure,” she said, clearly uneasy. “They…look really unconscious. And a lot less bloody than anything else in the room.” There was a very tense silence between the two as they descended, Scootaloo on her wings and Silias seemingly floating down to the metal catwalk. “Hey, maybe you can tell me about those what happened with those spidercat things so we can focus on anything but this hellish scene in front of us?” 

Silias took in their surroundings. He hardly blamed her. “…just so you know, spidercats look like average everyday cats, except they have eight legs, a set of mandibles, and four eyes like a spider would. Well, except that the eyes look like a regular cat’s eyes. Kinda adorable in a strange kind of way, which is why when I saw my first one… ” 

 

* * *

 

 That’s enough of that for now. Adjusting our perspective to center on the mission to save Manager Dash, three figures emerged into Golden Oaks Library with determination set into their features. Or at least, as many of the features The Beast actually _had_ , given he only had a mouth between his hat and scarf. 

Rainbow looked at the now closed Door, blinking several times. “Okay, I’m just going to say this now. These Door things are really weird.” 

Lee nodded. “That’s only the tip of the weirdness iceberg. Trust me, things are only going to get weirder from here on out.” 

Rainbow flew over to him and looked him straight in the eyes. “I just went through a Door that links between universes on a mission to stop _Pinkie Pie_  of all ponies from torturing slash butchering an alternate version of myself to death. Oh, and that alternate me’s apparently a child-killing psychopath bent on killing Scootaloo.” 

Lee averted his gaze slightly to look at her forehead. “Don’t forget you went on this mission alongside a human with the power to bend reality by _reading aloud_ ,” he said, placing a hand on his chest, “and a faceless, slender man wearing a scarf made of blood, as well as hat made of flipping shadows, and carrying the ultimate defensive god-weapon in the shape of a _plastic toy guitar_.” 

The Beast waved. “ **Hello.** ” 

Rainbow processed this information for a moment. “To be completely honest, that doesn’t sound weird…actually, that sounds pretty flocking awesome!” 

The Beast smiled at this. “ **I am glad you think so highly of us.** ” He then turned his head from side to side. “ **However, I must remind you that a life hangs in the balance, and that we should probably get moving. Where is the little amateur, anyway?** ” 

Lee just stared at him for a second before he remembered who he was looking at. When he reflected a bit on The Beast’s words, though, Lee’s mind began racing. _What the hell am I actually going to do when we get there? I don’t think a smash and grab would be a good idea. She knows how to get into the Peisistratos, so she could just hunt down some other Rainbow Dash, and that isn’t an option. Besides, someone’s likely to die in that scenario. Should I try and negotiate for her release instead? Well, I read the story, and that…didn’t work well, but maybe it was just because it was with her intended victim?_

_What if…what if I try to change her at the meta level? What if I used my power to remove the whole murder compulsion from her mind? If it came to it, Silias would have come in handy for such a plan. Or at least, a copy of Cupcakes so I’d be able to do it properly._

_…no, I’ve read enough of the Dresden Files to know what a shitty plan that is. I’d be more likely to break her in an even worse way than actually help. Even if it weren’t a shitty plan, I’d probably need a version that had my involvement written in._

_Fuck it. I’m just going to try diplomacy._

“Where else would she be? She has to be in Sugarcube Corner,” Rainbow said, waving the note around. “It’s not that far from here.”  She caught a glimpse of the nearby window, and did a double take. “What the – why is it _sunset_  already? I was only in that ‘Peisistratos’ place for, like, fifteen minutes!”

The Beast stalked over to the door. “ **If we are going to speak, can we do so while walking?** ”

Someone else spoke up near Lee. “Yes, let’s hurry this along. After all, we know someone’s _dying_  to see you.” 

Lee instinctively responded with, “Shut up, Mokuba!”

Rainbow’s eyes widened. “ _What the –_ ”

“ **Who is that?** ” The Beast asked.

“I call it my inner smartass,” Lee said, pulling his Book of Memories from his satchel. “Although, him being able to speak through my Book is completely novel.”

The Beast stared at Lee. “Now is not the time for such terrible puns. However, it is the time to exit this library.” 

Lee looked at the Book and began muttering as he walked. “Perhaps this has something to do with how I can hear regular books speaking?” 

Rainbow Dash blinked a few times, but she went through the front door all the same. 

“ **Since when did he have his own voice?** ” The Beast asked once Lee had exited the building. 

“Since the last time I was here,” Lee said. “The bastard wouldn’t shut up the entire time.” 

“That’s not true!” the voice coming from the book said, his tone indignant. “I have been rather quiet, and let you do your own thing as of late…for the most part. Also, that ‘baking with your friends’ line was all you, Casanova, not me!”

“ **Are you seriously arguing with a figment of your conscious mind?** ” 

“…yes,” Lee said. “Yes I am.” 

“…you weren’t kidding about things getting weirder,” Rainbow said with a straight face. 

“Oh, my sweet summer child.” 

“Whatever the flock that is, he sounds really familiar,” Rainbow said, eyes narrowing at the Book in suspicion. “Are you sure his name’s supposed to be ‘Mokuba?’” 

Lee idly tapped the spine of the Book. “Well, I could have called him Carlos, but that was out because it’s also the name of one of my favorite podcast characters. Why?” 

Rainbow stared at the Book a bit more. “…no reason,” she finally said. 

There was a moment of profound silence between them as they continued to walk through Ponyville’s streets towards their objective. However, they became more and more aware about how silent the rest of the town was, only echoing their footfalls as they progressed. There were no movements in any windows, no passerby on the street, not even a trace of wildlife could be seen or heard. The empty city did not hold its breath as they passed, for there was no breath to give. 

Lee decided to break this silence himself. “Hey, Beast? What were you doing in the Peisistratos before we found you?” 

The Beast let out a soft (but still bass) ‘hmn.’ “ **On my travels throughout Existence, I came across a self-righteous bitch and her army of thralls. I was able to fight her without outside intervention, but the moment I went to drive the thralls back…he appeared.** ”

Lee wondered why The Beast specifically chose those words, and was virtually praying his suspicions on the subject were false, but a more pressing question left his lips. “He?” 

“ **A figure clothed entirely in red drove me back, wielding a peculiar white sword that radiated musical notes from the blade**.”

Lee pondered this, and thought back to the notes. “Did he introduce himself as The Red Bard, by any chance?” 

“ **…how did you know that?** ” The Beast asked.

Call it a lucky guess, Lee mused, before he briefly went over what he knew of The Red Bard from the notes he had left. 

The Beast considered this information, rolling it around in his mind for a moment. “ **Peculiar. He looked quite young, appearing less than two decades old. At least, as far as I could tell.** ” 

“Did he say anything to you?” 

“ **Yes, but not much,** ” The Beast admitted. “ **He had told me that my continued presence would wreak havoc with the ‘Alpha Timeline,’ and that for now I had to leave as soon as possible.** ” 

“So you just listened to him?” Rainbow cut in. 

The Beast tilted his head slightly. “ **I was a bit preoccupied with wondering how he managed to parry one of my strikes with Aniland without any sign of physical strain, as well as the strange power I could feel radiating from his being. It felt…almost familiar, that energy, but not quite so. Then there was the fact that he managed to create a Door to the Peisistratos and force me through it a full attosecond before it closed behind me.** ” 

“Hang on – why couldn’t you just reopen it?” Rainbow asked, pointing at the Silvertongue with a hoof. “Lee closed the Door we came through earlier, and we just came back with no problems at all.” 

“ **The Red Bard apparently knows how to erase Doors from existence as well as create them. To a Fear on such a level as my own, that amount of power is incredibly disconcerting. At the very least, it implies his power rivals mine.** ” 

“What’s so disconcerting about that?” she asked. 

“ **I am the physical embodiment of Fear itself.** ” 

Rainbow Dash swallowed audibly. “Not gonna lie, that sounds pretty flocking terrifying.” 

“Which part – the one about The Beast being the physical embodiment of Fear, or the part where the Red Bard’s power rivals his power?” Lee paused a beat. “Sorry, I mean: the Red Bard.” 

“The second bit, actually,” Rainbow clarified. “The Beast’s actually a pretty chill guy.” 

“Thank you for the compliment.” 

“Hooray! You’re already becoming friends!” 

“I guess we are, Pinkie,” Rainbow said with a smile, which quickly froze on her face. 

Full stop. 

“Um…how long have you been listening in?” Lee asked. 

“As long as the writer allowed me to.” 

“And…how long was that?” The Voice From Lee’s Book asked, sounding more than a bit disturbed. 

“Pretty much the whole thing!” Pinkie said, giggling a bit near the end. “Also, it was really interesting listening to an inner monologuing session that wasn’t my own, let alone a three-way, and you’d have to be CRAZY to pass that opportunity up.” 

Lee looked around them. They had managed to get to Sugarcube Corner during the conversation, and there was no sign of any other ponies apart from Rainbow Dash hovering nearby and Pinkie Pie grinning at them from the window. 

Also, Pinkie Pie was grinning at them from the window. 

She noticed Lee noticing her, and Lee noticing her noticing him noticing her, so she waved before ducking out of sight. Seeing no other logical course of action, Lee opened the door and stepped inside, promptly followed by Rainbow Dash, The Beast, and a loud explosion. 

“Surprise!”

 Lee flinched as confetti and streamers collided with him at high speeds. None of it actually hurt him, but it was still surprising as hell to him. He then paused and considered the wording of that last thought. _Well played._ Well played. 

The Beast barely flinched. “ **You call that a jumpscare?** ” he muttered. 

Pinkie bounded over to them, hair poofed to its normal state and a giant smile on her face. “Hello, again!” she said, tackling Rainbow Dash to the ground. The latter’s response quickly shifted from surprised to comically confused when she registered Pinkie was only hugging her. 

She then suddenly tackled Lee, knocking the wind from the Silvertongue, wrapping her hooves around him in a similar, slightly longer hug. 

The Beast then found the pink pony staring at him. “ **…what is the matter?** ” 

“Oh, nothing,” Pinkie said, waving a hoof. “I was just wondering if you could eat. I really like the mouth you made, with its big, goofy smile and all, but do you actually have a digestive tract to go along with it?” 

The Beast would have raised one of his brows if he had a pair, and after a moment’s consideration used a pair of his branches to simulate the motion. “ **Not in the sense that it is necessary to my survival, but I eat ‘normally’ now. Why do you ask?** ” 

Pinkie Pie smiled widely. “I wanted to know if you wanted to have dinner, of course!”


	8. Save the Date

The first thing Setton saw after he regained most of his wits was a marbling sky of ever shifting, melding, and drifting colors, a majority of which were not conventionally nameable. Briefly wondering if the combined symptoms of a grinding headache and all the muscle response of a lukewarm Klondike bar were signs of a concussion or some kind of hangover, Setton did his best to rise from his prone position on a bed of grass. It took him a few tries, but he finally managed to right himself enough to look around.

Underneath the marbling sky lay a sprawling field, sprouting an array of wild grasses and flora that upon swaying in a westward breeze made Setton grateful that he wasn’t epileptic. Planted in this field was also an incredibly conspicuous cabal of stainless steel filing cabinets, each of their drawers labeled in what looked like his handwriting.

Setton squinted and promptly winced when his head throbbed in response. _When the hell did I get here?_ he wondered. _Where even IS here?_

There was a movement out of the corner of his vision, and Setton turned around for a better look. Three surprises met his eyes once he did so, the first of which involved the sight of Twilight amongst the filing cabinets. She was reading through one of the nearby cabinets’ contents while speaking to two much less corporeal versions of Lee and The Beast, her back turned to Setton as she did so. The other two surprises were a bit of a package deal, partly because they were a good deal closer to him than Twilight, and also due to how the two ponies standing in front of him were supposed to be dead.

 

* * *

 

The Beast put a slender hand to his chin. “ **I would hate to come off as rude, but perhaps I could check on your other guest before taking a seat.** ”

“Go right ahead,” Pinkie said, “It’s over there, and the door’s unlocked. Watch your head on the steps!”

The Beast tipped his hat to the mare, briefly placed a hand on both Lee’s and Rainbow’s shoulder, and began going down into the basement as casually as an eldritch abomination of his stature could–

“Wait!”

The Beast stuck his head out from behind the basement doorway “ **What is it?** ” he asked.

“Dinner will be ready soon.”

There was a pregnant pause in the room, so pregnant that Missus Pause was trying to becalm the fetal quadruplets thrashing in her womb while praying to God that they would be much less rowdy after their delivery.

“ **…are you telling me this because you would like me to stay down here for the interlude, or simply to inform me of the upper limit of how long I can stay down here?** ”

Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. “Yes! No! I mean both!” she exclaimed, thrusting a hoof out each time before pausing in confusion. “No, wait, just the first one.”

“ **Very well then. If you insist.** ”

As he finished descending, he took a moment to look around the room. Something about the decorating style seemed familiar to him, but that could wait after the more pressing matters, such as the state of the pegasus strapped to the bloodstained table. Electrical burns had spider-webbed across her body, looking for all the world as a shuddering diorama of the nervous system. Vicious stab wounds and lacerations had broken the angry flesh periodically, and evidence of bruising formed at the slow but gradual rate of a storm front.

The pegasus was still breathing, highlighting just how practiced her torturer had become. Upon closer inspection, each push of the blade had deliberately missed severing any veins, major arteries, or the linings of vital organs. The Beast suddenly found himself envisioning a spectre of himself, targeting specific sections that would maximize the agony from each tool while keeping the damage to a minimum, ensuring a long and enjoyable session, fueled by thoughts of revenge and the sadistic euphoria of hearing the **_screams and pleadings as the_ _Cockroach who had caused so much suffering and had destroyed so many SPASM AND WRITHE IN AGON–_**

The Beast got a hold of himself. While he chased away those specifically unrelated fantasies, there was one point that stuck with him. The conclusion that this was clearly done in a lukewarm rage – cold enough to retain the reason necessary to keep the victim alive in spite of the extensiveness of the injuries, but hot enough to feel vindicated by the suffering inflicted.

He then glanced over at the skeletal framework of the furniture to his left, pondering the craftsmanship. Kneeling down, he inspected the way the bones had been arranged and aligned, running an eldritch finger along the ivory and knotted sinew. He paused. Those particular knots where the stripped and segmented remnants of joints connected the foreign members. It seemed like an eternity had passed since he had last seen this style from astride The Anathema, powerless as a marionette under the reddened skies of Xanadu, and yet in reality it had been far too recent for his liking.

“ **Could it be…?** ”

He heard a soft, muffled moan from behind him. Stepping over to the now waking pegasus, The Beast tore the makeshift gag of streamers from her muzzle. Manager Dash coughed several times, focusing through the lingering fog of anesthetics – administered in just the right dosage to reduce the risk of shock but not enough to fully numb her. Her eyes widened when she saw the faceless visage hovering inches from her face. “Wait a second,” she croaked, before hacking her throat clear. “I remember you. You were in that library.”

“ **I was. But now you are going to tell me what happened since we last met.** ”

Manager Dash twisted her head round, grimacing in pain as she indicated her restraints and the state of her body. “Take three guesses, you faceless dipshit.”

The Beast calmly stood back. “ **If you insist on that attitude, I could always leave this room without freeing you.** ” As if to emphasize this possibility, he turned on his heel and slowly stalked towards the stairway out.

Manager Dash froze, but not as literally as she had in the Peisistratos. “Don’t you fucking leave me here,” she spat, trying to mask her mortal terror with foulmouthed fury and rapidly failing with each deliberate step The Beast took. “No! Wait! I’ll tell you! Just get back here!”

The Beast paused and, after a pregnant moment barrel rolling between hope, despair, and the stomach churning vertigo in between, finally turned around. Manager Dash let out a deep sigh of relief, sagging in her restraints as much as she was able to, as The Beast came back.

“So…are you going to free me or what?”

“ **Not just yet.** ” At Manager Dash’s expression, The Beast elaborated, “ **The downward angles of the stabs prevent the blood from flowing out through them. If you took the standard quadruped stance, the blood would drain out of you like a sieve. You’ll have to be carried out in that orientation.** ”

“…well, shit.”

“ **The best way to go about it would be to ‘put you under,’ as the saying goes, to prevent you from thrashing around accidentally.** ”

“So you’re telling me I should talk first before you spring me,” Manager Dash summed up.

The Beast nodded. “ **Precisely.** ”

Manager Dash closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them, she locked eyes on the location other creatures would have eyes. “Alright. What do you want to know?”

 

* * *

 

Setton pointed to the brown colt incredulously. “I saw you get thrown into the Spectra harvester. I heard your screams as it took you apart.” His finger shifted to the filly. “And you – actually, I didn’t watch you die, but I kind of knew it was going to happen. How are you here?”

The filly thrust a yellow hoof right back at him. “Well, I watched you get thrown in, and you’re here,” she pointed out. “Why can’t we be here too?”

“But I wasn’t fed through the machine – I punched through the piping just below it,” he countered. “And last time I checked, I was still alive.”

The filly looked as if she was about to argue, but the colt cut her off. “Aurora, please.” The colt turned to him apologetically. “Setton. I get it. Under normal circumstances, we wouldn’t even be here to begin with–”

Setton gawped at him, utterly dumbstruck. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. First off, how the _hell_ do you know my name? Second, where even is this place? And the million dollar – er, bit – question of why you wouldn’t ‘normally’ be here, barring the fact that you are dead, Orion.”

“Oh. Um. I thought you’d recognize this place,” the colt said looking at him for a moment. “Okay, I’ll let you know the answer to those questions. You remember what happened with the Spectra when you punched through the machine?”

“Kind of hard to forget a spider made of bone and sinew stitching my insides back inside me,” Setton said. “Wait, how would you know? You died just before that happened.”

“I’m getting to that. Do you remember what happened when you got out of it?”

Setton stopped. He remembered what he had become when Biblio was sunk into his chest, being covered in a viscous armor of pure emotion, the intense rage and thirst for retribution virtually possessing him as Spectra flowed over him.

Wait a minute…

“Are you saying that…your ghosts were possessing me when that happened?”

Aurora and Orion looked uncomfortable. “We were the freshest,” Aurora explained, “So we kept our minds together. But the others…”

Setton glanced out at the horizon, specifically at all the vaguely foal-shaped figures shuffling about. “Oh,” he said in a very small voice. “Let me, um…let me take a wild guess here. This place is either my Center of the Mind or my soul, and I’ve got a lot of other peoples’ souls rattling around inside of me.”

“As far as we can tell,” Orion said. “Or something like that.”

Aurora glanced at her friend. “It’s the best we could come up with, anyway.”

Setton tried to wrap his head around this all. “So I was fixed up with what was left of you guys…and you’ve been poking around my mind this whole time?”

Orion and Aurora nodded. Setton looked at them blankly, wondering exactly what they had seen. His face promptly fell when he remembered that Twilight had just been sifting through the filing cabinets, the ones he was now reasonably sure contained his memories.

“We saw your stash, by the way. You have some really odd tastes.” Orion paused, raising a hoof. “Granted, it wasn’t nearly as disturbing as the memory of being flayed alive, but...”

 _Oh noooooooooooo,_ Setton thought, absolutely mortified.

Those words echoed mightily across the ‘heavens’, much to Setton’s chagrin. Orion looked at him funny. “You do realize we’re in your mind, right?” he deadpanned.

Setton slumped forwards, hanging his head. “Yeah, that kind of sold it for me.” He then realized something was odd. “Wait. Where did Twilight go off to?

 

* * *

 

“…and that’s how we accidentally dropped a skyscraper on the Harlequin,” Silias concluded. He was laying on his back, periodically shifting his gaze from the nearby Doors, the high bookshelves of the Peisistratos, the unconscious forms of Twilight and Setton, and his similarly positioned listener.

Scootaloo pounded her fore-hooves together, grinning in the wake of Silias’ story. “That’s it,” she decided. “The next chance I get, I’m getting fifty of those ‘Pot Noodles,’ a copy of _Death Comes for the Archbishop,_ and a wristwatch.”

Silias gestured vaguely at the eldritch library around them. “Well, I can certainly help with the second part. Paperback or hardcover?”

“Hardcover.”

A nod. “Good choice.”

“Hey, Silias?”

“Yeah?”

“Lee said this place is your domain, right?”

“Right.”

“What are you?” Scootaloo rolled her head over to the side facing Silias, who had paused. He turned his head to face Scootaloo. “I mean, why would you be ‘virtually untouchable’ here?”

Silias tilted his head to the side and back again in acknowledgement. “Fair question. Well, that’s because I’m the–”

It was at this moment Twilight woke up, practically flinging herself from the floor as she hyperventilated.

“You done with the catapult impression, or should we start aiming you at castles when you fall asleep?” Silias deadpanned.

Scootaloo rolled herself upright, and went over to Twilight. “What’s wrong?”

Twilight tried to control her breathing. “Someone just banished me from Setton’s mind.”

“That’s weird.” Silias frowned. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t do it, and I wouldn’t expect him to know how to do that himself. Did you get a glimpse of what they looked like, or at least what their presence felt like?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, but for some reason the sky was going red.”

 

* * *

 

Lee Richards wasn't sure what to think anymore. There were too many questions, and nowhere near enough answers for what was happening.

For a start, when The Beast had patted Lee on the shoulder he had slipped a piece of paper into the Silvertongue's shirt collar. While Lee had been able to palm the paper without being noticed...

 _I hope. Then again, if anyone did notice, they could have just decided to keep quiet. In any case I can't just open it without raising questions, or worse, escalating things._ He was reasonably sure that Pinkie could at least guess at what he was capable of, especially since he'd literally demonstrated it to her not too long ago, but Lee couldn't help but wonder why the paper had been given to him in the first place. The Silvertongue figured that it had to be something important, and there was a pretty good chance he was expected to read it aloud at some point, but was driving himself paranoid with the implications.

"I've really been looking forwards to this day," Pinkie giggled to herself, as if she was a schoolgirl on her first date.

Ah, and there was the second thing weighing so heavily on his mind: his hostess. Despite the fact that her invitation clearly implied that Manager Dash had been slated for baking, a process Lee hoped was still very early in the development stages, there hadn't been any objections when The Beast went down to investigate the basement.

His inner ramblings were once again derailed when he registered more giggles coming from the mare. Either he had missed something in his reveries, or she was just giggling for some internal reason. Lee shivered unconsciously. _Nothing to worry about_ , Lee told himself. _I mean, isn't her shtick Laughter? The giggling makes total sense. She...she does giggle normally, right?_ He thought back to when he was fleeing Sugarcube Corner. He was reasonably sure she was giggling then...but, then again, that wasn't going to tell him much about whether or not she was actively preparing to kill him or not.

"Hi there!" Lee flinched. "You look a little tired," Pinkie noted, contemplating his face mere inches from hers. "How about we get seated?"

"Yeah, sure," Rainbow said, shooting Lee a Look.

"Great!" Pinkie beamed, and grabbed ahold of them in what in normal circumstances would be considered a jovial and certainly not terrifying manner. Following the insistent tuggings of Pinkie, Lee was shepherded into the room beyond the doorway.

It was then that he saw the decorations in the kitchen, and felt his stomach fall out like a little boy out of a plane.

Metaphorically speaking, of course, though a part of Lee figured getting disemboweled at that moment instead would have been less traumatizing.

 _Oh crap, this is going to turn out like_ that time _, isn't it?_ With considerable effort, Lee fought to keep his face neutral as possible as he pushed his fears down, particularly those involving painted smiles and a discordant hell-noise filtered from behind a face of wood...

_Oh sodomize me with an X-plorer, I had forgotten that was her idea of **giggling.**_

"Hey. Hey!" Lee's focus came back to him rapidly with every shake, to the point where he finally took notice of Rainbow Dash raising a hoof to the side. "Snap out of it," she demanded, swinging it towards him in a familiar motion.

_Oh crap, she's going to-_

Lee recovered his wits a moment too late, as the hoof had came far too close to his cheek to stop her slap. " _...ow._ " Nursing his aching jaw with a hand, he noted he was alone with Rainbow Dash in Sugarcube Corner's bathroom. "Oh. Um. Thanks," he said, grateful that she hadn't broken anything. "I needed that."  

Rainbow stared at him with concern in her narrowed eyes. "Seriously, what's up with you? First you start spacing off in the middle of a conversation, then you look like you've seen the horrors of Tartarus when you walk into a room." Rainbow put her fore-hooves on her hips. "What, so a room full of blood and guts doesn't bother you, but you're terrified of _smooth jazz_ and _candlelight_?"

"Look..." Lee sighed. "Seeing the room set up like that...set off some memories. Traumatizing ones." At Rainbow's incredulous stare, he added, "Really traumatizing ones."

Rainbow raised a brow. "What kind of memories would make those things traumatizing?"

"It's not that those things terrify me on their own, but..." Lee shivered. "It's more like _who_ they reminded me of, specifically. It's a long story."

Rainbow shook her head, placing a hoof on Lee's shoulder. "Look, I don't know who you're so afraid of," she admitted. "But I'm pretty sure they're not going to be anywhere near here. That said, you need to stop losing it. I mean, has anything in here really justified flipping out like that?"

There was an awkward silence as they processed this question.

"...great, now I'm the one acting like an idiot," Rainbow grumbled, her hoof firmly connected to her face.

Lee opened his mouth to speak, but a knock at the door caused him to pause. "Everything okay in there?" Pinkie asked through the wood.

The pegasus and the Silvertongue shared a glance.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Rainbow said, trying not to cringe. "We're just going to wash our...uh." She paused, as if just remembering that Lee had hands. After an awkward beat of trying to figure out how to phrase it, she just went with "...selves before coming out."

"That's fine!" came Pinkie's unexpectedly chipper response. "Come out whenever you're ready." The sound of bouncing followed Pinkie's retreat towards what was presumably the kitchen.

Rainbow turned her head back to Lee. "So are you good now?"

Lee considered it for a moment, then nodded. "I think so." He went over to the sink, fiddling with the soap for a moment before turning on the faucet. "Are you, though?"

Rainbow blinked. "You're forgetting which one of us just spaced out like he was having a Vietneighum flashback."

Lee stared at her for a moment. "...wait, how do you know about Vietnam flashbacks...or Vietnam for that matter?"

Rainbow's brow wrinkled. "Well, I paid attention in history class. But why do _you_ know about that, and what's with that pronunciation?"

Lee tried to parse this information as he washed his hands. "...you know what, while that's going to be an interesting discussion, maybe we can come back to that one later." He reached for a nearby towel, and began drying his hands off. "But I'm talking about..." Lee trailed off, opting to nod in the general direction of the door.

Rainbow caught his drift. "I'm totally fine," she asserted. She hovered over to the sink, firmly grasping the soap in her hooves and working up a solid lather.

"Considering what you nearly experienced, and what your double is probably a good way through, you're acting really calm about this situation," Lee pointed out.

Rainbow paused, letting the water flow over her for a moment. "I...look, Pinkie's been my friend for years. I don't know what's happened to her, but you can bet your tail that I'm going to find out what did this to her."

Lee considered where he would have his tail, if he had one, but decided not to point out this anatomical difference to the mare.

"And besides," she continued. "There's a reason I'm the Element of Loyalty. I don't just give up on my friends."

She dried herself off with an expression so serious that it would have been borderline comical in another context.

 

* * *

 

The Beast watched the limp pegasus as her chest slowly rose and fell. It had been child’s play to obfuscate a series of hypnotic colors and shapes to lull her to sleep. It was the least he could do for the information he had received. Unfortunately, now that he had exhausted the only other physical companion in the room, he still had time to pass and no one to pass it with. Unless…

 ** _Perhaps if I make an innuendo, she will chime in once more…_** The Beast racked his head for any and all phrases that could be considered ‘dirty.’

 ** _The plumbing in this place has seen better days. I would really like someone to help me lay some pipe down here!_** he called mentally.

No response.

**_Hmm. I hope Lee is sticking to his schedule – I would not want him to fall behind with his assets._ **

Still nothing.

**_…maybe it only works when Lee initiates the connection. After all, he DID call her out from her ‘story’ – perhaps there is some sort of eldritch bond connecting the two._ **

“Dinner’s ready!” came the voice from upstairs. It was time.

He spared a moment to look at the pegasus. Prior to learning the true nature of this place, there had been a microscopic temptation to leave her here, but given what she had told him that temptation wasn’t even of Planck length. After all, he’d known that there were those whose sentences had been commuted despite committing far worse sins.

Like himself, for instance.

No, not even had the pegasus outperformed his sins twofold would he ever leave her in this prison. And so, as promised, he opened the dozing mare’s restraints, placing her in his branches carefully so as not to disturb her stitches. He wove them into a wicker basket around her, gently cocooning her in an arboreal embrace and slowly slinging the resulting bundle across his back. As he turned to leave the room, he passed by the lyrics written on the wall, his new knowledge leaving him unsurprised by their content.

_A thousand years have come and gone, but time has passed me by_

_Stars stopped in the sky_

_Frozen in an everlasting dew_

_Waiting for the world to end, weary of the night_

_Praying for the light_

**_Prisoner of the lost_ ** _**Xanadu**_

 

* * *

 

Turning her face to one side, Pinkie leaned her head over the table farther than her neck should have allowed. “Dinner,” she said. Then she audibly winked.

“What is this?”

“It’s not made of ponies, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Pinkie assured.

“That’s not what I meant,” Lee said as he sawed into the meat with his knife, ignoring the look on Rainbow’s face. “Actually, I meant what the occasion was for...” Here he gestured vaguely around the room by spinning the chunk of meat impaled on his fork around before pointing it at Pinkie. “Unless you are in the habit of throwing this type of party every night, that is.”

“I don’t throw these kinds of parties very often. Actually, this is my first.”

Lee was too busy chewing on the meat to respond, but Rainbow was a little too preoccupied to eat. “What, a dinner party? You’re Pinkie Pie! You know, party planner extraordinaire?”

“I’ve never done a corpse party before.”

While The Beast didn’t so much as flinch, her mortal guests couldn’t have frozen faster if they had been dipped in liquid nitrogen.

“Please tell me that was just a Homestuck reference,” Lee murmured. "I wouldn't even care how she'd made it."

“No, that came out a little more ominous than I wanted it to. I don’t own any black clothes, and I didn’t want to break into Carousel Boutique after the last time, so I couldn’t do a funeral,” Pinkie explained. “I mean, I’d have the fun part down, but I’m terrible with fitting in the ‘eral’ part…” She fell silent for a moment, while the anomalous sound of gears turning came from her head. “Oh, I’ve got it! Calling it a wake would work!”

The Beast lamented the fact that he had no brows to raise, as now would have been the perfect opportunity to raise one. “ **A wake?** ”

“It’s because…” For the first time that night, Pinkie’s smile truly cracked. “…the nightmare’s finally over,” she said, managing a weak laugh. “Get it?”

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you wondering about why this is titled as such, given that the absence of Twilight royally fucks up the rest of Dawn of The First Day's canon-timeline, this prologue technically ranks One Henderson on the Henderson Scale of Plot Derailment.


End file.
